If you do not know beyond a shadow of a doubt that a suspension point is definitely good enough then it's NOT good enough. If you do not have the necessary knowledge to judge if an unfamiliar suspension point is good enough yourself. Then you should set about acquiring that knowledge or just not use it. I honestly think that having the ability to judge the appropriateness of a suspension point is an essential skill for anyone who's going to suspend in different locations. And yes, I apply that to suspension points in clubs and at events too. I've refused to use points in clubs because for one reason or another I wasn't happy with them. And you cannot just take it on trust and you have to be responsible for the decision to suspend on whatever it is that you do suspend on. Because... You are making the decision to hang someone's life on that thing!
Recently I saw a post about Top drop or as they described it a 'Rigger's Melancholy' (which is a term I really liked btw.) It caught me at a wrong moment and I posted that yeh, everyone knows about it. I was expecting someone to take issue with the tone of my response or criticise me for ever being exasperated by the endless repetition of the same questions, any display of less than perfect temper or humanity. Something along those lines. I was pretty surprised therefore to see a reply that didn't make any of those reasonable complaints but instead insisted that not everyone had or was aware of this experience. I will quote the response exactly here so you can see that I'm not making this up. No, WykD_Dave, not everyone already knows about it. The great thing about this group is that we have a wide variety of experiences and skills. I would like to hear positive and constructive information from experts like you about how to recognize top drop coming on and how to deal with the feelings. What most struck me is the assumption that this is some unique experience or out of the ordinary emotion or feeling. You do something emotionally and or physically intense and you have a natural high from it, then you have a low to a greater or lesser extent afterwards. Yes we're all a bit different and have greter or lesser responses and some come down sooner or more steeply than others but surely this is a common human experience though to anyone who's ever done anything intense, euphoric, joyous. To anyone who's triumphed on the sports field, been in love, had great sex, strived [...]
Filed firmly under the category of really? Again? Had to send some takedown notices again on one site because someone had copped our images, modified them to remove the mark and posted it up on their profile. I issued the usual DMCA takedown and that image was removed. That's pretty much the unfortunate business as usual. What was odd was the message I received from the guy after. What a sad man. Nothing better to do than grassing people up for something that doesn't affect you at all. I liked the pic, never said it was mine. No life. Derp right? What a sad man I must be not letting him just rip off stuff without consequences, nothing better to do than report an idiot that doesn't understand copyright and thinks they're entitled to rip off anything they fancy just because they 'liked the pic'. And how could I possibly think that him ripping off my work, removing even the mark that could have led people back to my work and posting it horribly degraded could possibly affect me? Just ridiculous of me. It was nice of him to admit that he had no rights to the image though. I don't imagine that was his intent but possibly not the sharpest tool in the box. So lastly, 'no life'. Well here's my problem with that. I do very much have a life. A very large part of that life this person so amusingly assumes that I don't have very obviously involves tying up lots of beautiful women. Part of it even included creating these images that the guy liked so much that he flatteringly posted them with the creators identification edited off. I have so many [...]
So, what's a TK really? Is it a specific thing or is it a class of tie, a form? This is a question that seems to vex a lot of people and probably for understandable reasons. There are plenty of non-tk tks out there. Let's avoid the language question about takatekote for this post and just take it as having the meaning that it seems to have grown to have in the west and that is of a kind of vaguely japanese (ish) box tie. I'd also for the purposes of this post to leave out the whole hands high argument and discussion of 'gote' vs. 'kote'. The real answer to this is the one that people tend not to like when I give it. It depends. Depends what you mean, depends what the person you're talking to means. When you say TK to me I am going to think of the TK that I personally tie. But the TK that I personally tie depends on a lot of factors and may be different under any number of different circumstances. It's also changed over time, or rather they've all changed over time. What is and isn't a TK is subjective, what's a good TK or a good TK for say suspension is less subjective because to be a good TK for something it needs to fulfil some real world requirements about being structurally sound, well placed etc. The term 'TK' has been used for so many different ties and interpretations and failed re-engineering attempts that it is in some ways denuded of meaning. This can in some circumstances be a positive thing if you think about it in the right way as it means that [...]
There are a few places around the world that feel like coming home for us. They say that home is where the heart is. I think this is true. Our memories of places and events are inextricably entwined with the people we met and the experience we had. It's quite something to recognise that 'going home' feeling as we make our way to an event thousands of miles from our actual home. It's very much a sensation of going home and seeing old friends. Though it's always a bit of a downer to have to go back to everyday life after having a great time there's always that thought of next time. The year will soon be drawing to a close. Next year we get to go home again, and again...
People argue a great deal about what they should call themselves and others. To me this seems such a pointless argument. Generally people are into what they're into for pleasure, for what pleases themselves and as far as I'm concerned they can call themselves what they want, even if I think it makes them sound a bit of a prat. I'm certainly not going to go out of my way to complain about their choice. Yet there is debate after debate on forums about terms that people have found offensive for whatever reason of their own. While I can understand if people are not comfortable with having terms that are not their choice applied to them I can't quite manage to be offended by their choice of term in itself. For some people their choices are part of their protocols. Again that's fine, if you want to be 'Master whatever' to your partner, you go ahead and be that and good luck to you. If it gives you a kick then brilliant. I'm only going to have a problem if you expect me to address you by your terms or subscribe to your relationship protocols. Because I will not any more than I'd expect anyone outside of my relationship to do things my way. That's really just another long winded way to say that I don't mind what you call yourself and you shouldn't mind what I call myself.* When it comes to the general use of words. Like for instance one that I'm very familiar with, the use of 'Rigger' to describe a rope bondage top... or bondage top, or nawashi or ropester** or bakushi or... well you get the idea. Still there are [...]
I see people replying over and over on posts "Oh but there are exceptions" and yet I don't write general posts based on the exceptional. I give it, based on the generality. Exceptions are just that, exceptional. That's why they are called the exceptional, they do not represent the vast majority of cases, people or circumstances. I can't help but think that when people make these arguments for the 'exceptional' they are mentally filing themselves in the exceptional category. You can understand why. Everyone wants to think of themselves as exceptional. In fact it's very common for people to think that they're exceptional.
This is a personal post and just a musing. What I think it is changes over time and this is not everything that I think it is. If you're looking for a definition please look elsewhere. Kinbaku is the art of erotic, sensual, intimate, bondage. It is tying for beauty, helplessness and exquisite suffering. To tie is to hug, tender and violent. It is lust and art together. It is expression beyond my ability to describe it.
Hi whoever you are. What would I say to you if you were new to the scene and I was speaking to you directly? The main thing I'd say to you is that the scene is really full of great people, but it's also full of not so great people. So what you should do is subject everything that everyone says to you to a reality and sense check and even if it passes that, also subject it to a 'Does insert your name here agree with this, and is this for(him/her delete as appropriate)' test. You could answer yes one day and no another in 12 months subject to more experience. Your experience will build and you will discover things about yourself and what you like over time. I always say the same thing. Subject everyone's advice to critical analysis... Including mine. Don't let anyone overpower your good sense. Regardless of your D/S sub dom, top bottom inclinations or desires. Some people will attempt to impose their will or guide you in underhand ways. Some will attempt to 'help' you or 'mentor' you by showing you 'how it's done' or some such. That isn't mentoring. Real mentors are your friends who are concerned with you and not with having their names on other profiles like a status symbol. They give you good advice even if it's hard advice and don't use it as a pretext for another agenda. I don't wish to say things that are discouraging of frightening. But I don't want you to have an avoidable disaster. Please take care of yourself and for sanity's sake keep the bullshit detector on. I don't know what's going to be right for you I really don't. [...]
You need experience to be a good teacher. I'm not saying that it takes decades to get that experience but it does take some time and application. People often argue this need... actually people without experience often argue this need. They usually stop arguing it after acquiring experience. Especially when that experience is acquired the hard way. The real problem is that only experience really teaches you how valuable your experience is. Before you have it it's hard to imagine what it gives you. Unfortunately it is often only when people have the experience of coming undone and learning the hard way that they realise that actually experience does inform our actions at all levels, especially when passing on knowledge to others. It teaches us what was crucial and what was not. It allows us to recognise and head off developing problems that are otherwise noticed too late. Experience allows us to make judgements that are based not just on book learned facts. It develops our ability to balance many factors though practice. Inexperience and overconfidence can lead to the attitude that all this crap that experienced people are coming out with is just unreasonable. They're only saying that because... (insert today's justification here). It's unfair to try to stop them, who are manifestly an exception to the normal process of learning and maturity! It's a problem I have with some kinds of peer workshop teaching. The guy who learned something yesterday is teaching it today. Weirdly people don't seem to think that this could lead to problems. I think that peer learning can be great when people already have very good basics and are therefore able to recognise problems for themselves. When beginners are [...]