No shades of grey

//No shades of grey

No shades of grey

Yes, sorry about the title, related puns keep turning up all over.

It often seems to me that people want to have very polarized views of people and what they are about. I.e. if you’re not that… you’re this. If you think that… you must think this.

I often wonder why people feel the need to do that. Perhaps they’re just in search of a simplistic world view where everyone’s in their simple categorized box that means they can just regard you as X or Y without having to think or deal with the vagaries and contradictions of a real human being.

Well people are vauge, the edges are blured, nobody is simplistically one thing or the other. How could anyone think they were?

Also people do not have binary states…

If you’re not young, you’re old, if you’re not fat you’re too thin, if you’re not with us you’re against us!

I think especially when people are interacting with those that they don’t in person and that usually means on-line these days that it’s even more prevalent. Sometimes people just don’t seem to recognise that the people they’re messaging and commenting about are real human beings.

This explains some things about the level of abuse you see on-line, people who would never otherwise dare threaten grievous bodily harm and for what? Not being agreed with in an argument on a forum somewhere? People overreact to an incredible extent and I can’t help feeling that this is a symptom of people not really viewing those they interact with as proper, real, fully paid up members of the human species.

We are vague, we are complicated, we (most of us) have real human feelings. For most of us that means that we are capable of that most human of abilities, empathy.

To some people I have to say, where is your empathy, where is your common courtesy come to that. Where is the recognition that you’re dealing with a real person who can be really effected by unthinking ‘contributions’ of those that cannot or will not recognise this.

By | 2017-03-17T09:57:17+00:00 August 4th, 2012|Life|2 Comments

About the Author:


  1. Nothrin (@Nothrin) August 4, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    I think this also extends some into the online rope tops projecting themselves as experts on everything including “correcting” you (quotes very intentional there as I’ve had classes with and seen you tie). People online such as in fetlife are aware that the online community has this dualistic nature which means you’re either an expert at rope, or your an amateur. Since they don’t want to come across as the later they project themselves as the former.

    I’ve also certainly seen some of the “you’re either a beginner or a pro” in some actual events as well, and there is the expectation that being a beginner is undesirable. For instance my girlfriend and I were once at a party and told that “If you like flogging you really need a scene with this person over here, their the best in the area.” Well we had never met that person, on introduction we didn’t much like them, why would she want a scene with someone she doesn’t want to spend time with?

    The idea that one should only seek to be connected to those with the best current skill levels forgets about a lot of the vague humanistic nature of the rest of their relationships and that a partner who is not hugely skilled at something may learn a lot bout it in the future. That being there for that learning and helping to shape it is part of the experience as well.

    Not exactly where you were going with this post I’m sure, but it is what it made me think about.

  2. Steve/Striderforever August 4, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    I often find on Fet an endless argument involving definitions and titles. I think most of the younger people I’ve me are simply using “kinkster” rather than get caught up in the “Dom” vs “Top” and on and on. The worst part is when others try to define me, my marriage, my life. I don’t think for the most part they have any idea of the arrogance inherent in it.

%d bloggers like this: