The Most Very Universal Laws of Rope Bondage, part the second, the serious bit, honest.

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The Most Very Universal Laws of Rope Bondage, part the second, the serious bit, honest.

First thing, I did not write these universal laws of rope bondage. Jahc did! I did try to write something similar but in all honesty it wasn’t nearly as fun as these so please enjoy and give credit where it’s due!

Part the First was complete toot, but turned out to be a bit of a hit, amazingly. Shame the sequel is never quite as good….

But I’m bored, and feeling ill, so tough shit, you can suffer too. So, kick off your feet, loin up your girdles, adopt the ‘receiving’ position, or whatever does it for you, baby.

For, this very day, this most very joyous day of days, we give you ….. some more Totally and Rather Slightly Universal Laws of Rope Bondage, and Stuff!

  1. You do not have to be hardcore, or even awesome. Some of the very ever bestest fun rope ever is exceedingly messy, and not in a photograph.
  2. Being good, and striving to be better, is not elitism. Why do people say it is? It’s really very silly, that.
  3. It is impossible to tie a knot in a banana. Bananas do not need knots, and neither do you. And there’s a lot of larks out there, missing their heads.
  4. Telling someone that something they are doing is wrong, is sometimes the right thing to do. Knowing when you should say so is also relatively easy – knowing how, is virtually impossible.
  5. Ergo, if someone questions what you are doing, they may have a point. Even if they fuck up the question. It might just be worth listening to them.
  6. People will love your picture three times as much, if there is a cat in it.

The cat is not getting in the way. It’s just being a cat, and they have no idea what that means, either.

  1. It is really important to have a clear idea of what you are going to do, before you get started. It is even more important to forget all about it, and do what just happens.
  2. Preparing your own rope can save you lots of money. But cost you lots of washing machines.
  3. You do not have to switch, to understand rope. But what the hell…..
  4. It does not matter what colour the rope is, when you are in it.
  5. Mojos are exceedingly fickle things, and subject to quantum mechanics.

Seeking the mojo boson immediately creates the anti-mojo, which is the particle that makes the universe full of fuck ups. It also explains the second law of thermodynamics, perfectly, and Schrödinger never lost his mojo, he just figured out he’d probably kill it, if he ever put his finger on it.

  1. Running round Switzerland at ever increasing velocities, already confirmed this, next week. Smashing the mojo into the anti-mojo will create a black hole, and make you a singularity. Trust me, I’ve tried.

Saying ‘Dark’ before everything doesn’t make it matter, make magical energy, or help a great deal. Therefore, mojos only ever exist in a state of uncertainty, and like all quantum thingies, are neither here nor there, really. Anyone who thinks they understand mojos hasn’t really thought about it, which is not a good idea, either.

Quantum entanglement, anyone?

  1. Rope is rope and hooman beans have a finite number of limbs and bits – we are but sticks and hinges, with a few skwidgy bits in between. So there is an inevitable convergent evolution between rope styles. – a bit like that wombat that grew up to look like a wolf.
  2. If you take a picture of a black and white cat, and whack the contrast up beyond all reason, the cat will disappear. And that really is art, actually, and sometimes dark, also. The spooky thing is, it mostly depends on the cat.
  3.  There is only one thing worse than whacking your partner in the eye with the end of the rope. (Actually, there are two).
  4. Everybody knows that everybody has to start somewhere. The internet hasn’t changed that, it just means there’s even more bullshit about.
  5. Pretending that you have done stuff, which you haven’t done, is the best way to make sure you never do, or to make sure you fuck up, badly, when you try.
  6. Posting a load of other people’s pictures you found on tumblr to your personal profile does not make you cool. It doesn’t work like that, it just makes you a bit of a twat.
  7. It is possible to suspend fat birds. Though if you throw a rope round them, and it disappears from view with a kind of squelching, farting sound, you know it ain’t going to be easy.
  8. It is never a good idea to use the term ‘fat birds’ on the internet. People will hate you for it.

See? That’s sequels for you. Complete bollocks.

There’s more! How could there not be?

By | 2017-03-17T09:57:06+00:00 July 14th, 2013|Categories: Bondage, Life|Tags: , , |1 Comment

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  1. […] If this has thrilled you why not go on and read part the second? […]

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