So.. who do you trust?
This is a really serious and difficult question for people who are new to the kink scene. You want to learn, you’re excited to explore. But who can you trust to help you and not take advantage of your inexperience?
I cannot tell you who you should trust but I can say a few things about taking care of yourself.
Don’t ever assume you can trust someone just because they’re…
- Well known in the scene
- Appear to play with a lot of people
- Seem to say everything you want to hear
- Have been around for a long time
- Happen to organise an event
- Talk loudly about how wonderful they are
Not everyone on the scene is a predator, not everyone is abusive, some people are and they make life just that little bit harder and less fun for everyone. It’s essential however, to recognise that they exist and to act accordingly. And that is with a little caution.
I’d like to make the point that I’m not saying, don’t ever trust anyone. What I am saying is that IF you’re going to trust someone with your body, emotional or psychological well-being or even just rely on their advice. It IS worth seeing if they’re what they appear to be.
Some try to gain instant trust by offering mentorship or protection to people that they’ve only just met. There are those who can become genuine mentors but they tend to want to know a person reasonably well before taking on a real commitment.
Some people are what they appear to be, and getting to know them is a delight and they can be wonderful rewarding people to know. Some people though try to look like they’re… community minded while using that pose to put themselves in a position where they believe people will trust them, that will talk as though they have long experience they do not possess.
If I think of anyone in the scene who I think of as a decent person, every one of them understands that people new to the scene need to be allowed to find their feet. That people don’t need to be hustled, pushed, made uncomfortable by overbearing individuals and wouldn’t contemplate anything serious without actually getting to know the person.
Just as in absolutely any other walk of life and in every other circumstance it’s OK to be cautious, to not take everything at face value.
It’s OK to protect yourself, it really is.