First thing, I did not write these universal laws of rope bondage. Jahc did! I did try to write something similar but in all honesty it wasn’t nearly as fun as these so please enjoy and give credit where it’s due!
Well, it’s all a bit annoying, really. Every time I think I have exhausted the Not Really but Slightly Almost Universal Laws of Rope, and Stuff!, I think of another one.
Which means thinking of another 19, to go with it. Bastard, that.
So, behold! Etc etc…..
- If you call a TK a TK, someone will tell you you are doing it wrong, and that the wraps are in the wrong place. Call it a boxtie, and nobody cares. Ergo, the wraps on a boxtie are always in the right place. Glad we have got that one sorted out at last!
- The debates about correct Japanese terminology will never end. This is because the very first founding master of Shibari was pissed, and didn’t really give a shit about the words. Or was it kinbaku?
- Every beginner immediately tells you they want to learn suspension. It’s best to just ask ‘Why?’, and count how many times they say ‘errrrr…..’ in the next sentence. Most amusing.
- Floorwork can be dangerous too, you know! No-one ever says so, though.
- Anyone who thinks techno is good rigging music has a serious personality disorder, and should be shot. To be on the safe side, just shoot anyone playing techno. Anywhere, ever.
- The best way to attract bunnies is to have foxes in your garden. Strange, but true!
- Dropping your sub is a universal cause of dom drop.
- Switch drop is a complete bastard! Stomping around the dodgy parts of town just waiting for some bastard to try and mug you, so you have an excuse to go crazy ape shit at them, never works. When you are giving off those sort of vibes, even the bad boys run away…. some law that sod had, eh? The only cure is to cuddle up somewhere nice and cozy, and kill things.
- The neighbours already know what you are doing. They are not stupid, and they are doing it too.
- The best way to start a new relationship is to be absolutely certain you don’t want one, and the best way to attract rope bunnies, apart from the foxes, is to have too many already.
- Rule 71 requires a re-think……. OK…. The onset of the male menopause can be defined as that time in a chap’s life, when he becomes aware that his favourite kind of foreplay is pushing rope through a girl’s armpit. It ain’t what you do, it’s the way that you do it! Or so we like to tell ourselves.
- Just in case you missed it, you don’t fucking need knots!
- POSTING IN CAPITALS DOES NOT MAKE IT LOUDER.It just means fewer people will listen.
- You can suspend fat birds (Rule 39), but they still don’t bounce when you drop them. They just hate you even more!
- You can teach yourself just about anything, if you are clever enough. Except how to be someone else.
- This relationship and pervy stuff isn’t actually meant to make sense, you know. That’s why we call it ‘affairs of the heart’, not the head. Giving good head generally helps, though.
- What no-one seems to have noticed, about the engines which keep the shibari/kinbaku threads turning over, is that talking sense is seldom traditional. Doing something the way it has always been done, because that is the way it has always been done… or at least, because someone who wasn’t there at the time tells you that someone else who wasn’t there at the time either read something where someone who wasn’t there at the time kind of suggested that maybe that was the way it was always done, honest, …………well, it’s hardly the pinnacle of human thought and endeavour, is it?
Things are only called ‘traditional’, when they are obsolete, but still kind of nice.
- It doesn’t really matter, if you are self taught, a happy bodger, or study each tie as a kata and travel the world to learn and to teach. What matters is that you understand whatever your limitations happen to be. It is one thing to extend your limits and boundaries. It is another to stupidly overstep them. The smart people can tell the difference.
- Oh, and for fuck’s sake! Have fun!!!!
- Last, but not least…..
Saying ‘Source:Tumblr’ under a picture does not mean it’s OK to post it – it just means you probably stole it off someone else who had already stolen it.
Posting pictures you stole from someone else who stole them from someone else who stole them from someone else (etc)., is not an expression of yourself. It is just very sad.
‘I found it on the internet’ does not mean it has been placed in the public domain.
‘Free to view’ does not mean ‘free to re-publish’.
‘Someone else cropped the watermark off’ does not mean it is a orphan work.
‘There’s a comments box’ does not mean it is ‘fair use’.
Neither does posting it on a free website.
And neither does plonking some stupid text over the top. That’s just vandalism.
Only dickheads post other people’s pictures without asking first.