Tying like me.
Sometimes people say that they would love to learn to tie like me. Can I teach them?
First I have to say that I consider these requests to be some of the highest compliments you can receive as someone teaching bondage. It really is personally something of a thrill when someone says something like that. It is however not possible.
I can't teach people to tie like me. But it's possible that I can, given time help them to do something much more satisfying and help them to learn how to tie like them.
I, no matter how much I may wish to can never tie like one of the greats that I admire. I can learn from them. I can observe them, I can be inspired by their ties. I can emulate some of their tying to better understand it. I cannot however really understand their thought, feeling or style completely. It effects mine but it is not mine. Their inspiration and something of their aesthetic that struck a chord with me however does become part of my style. And a persons style grows over time with the accumulation of experience, practice, observation, and study.
As a teacher I can I think help people to embark on their personal rope bondage journeys. I can never travel it for them though. Their journey is not mine, mine is not theirs, my experience cannot be theirs either, though they can benefit from it.
It can be that you see a disappointed face when you tell someone that they cannot learn to tie as you do. But for those that have the potential to do well they will grasp that this is not a bad thing. It is an opportunity for self discovery, to know yourself, to be yourself. Surely this is a good thing?
I cannot teach you to tie like me, be glad of that.
It depends.
People often ask questions in relation to bondage that are impossible to answer.
- How long is too long
- How long is tingling acceptable for
- How long can someone stay in this
- How many wraps do you need
- How heavy is too heavy
- etc...
These questions broadly all have the same answer... it depends.
This is because every situation, bondage, model, tie and every day is different. How long you can do anything with bondage for is dependent on a multitude of factors. Obvious one might think but still people want an answer that they can apply ‘roughly’; even rough answers are highly subjective.
Person A may have good circulation, be a healthy weight and have good muscle tone. Person B may have poor circulation, be morbidly obese and have no muscle tone. This is an extreme example but it must be obvious that the answer to “Roughly how long can someone hang in this suspension” will depend massively on the person being tied. It will also depend on how tired, hydrated, fed... etc. etc. the person is. It will also depend on how they’re tied, how tight, with what rope... etc. etc. the bondage is done with. It will also depend on how hot or cold... etc. etc. the place where the bondage takes place is. And on what else you’re doing, have done... etc. etc. during play or the day. Also psychological effects play a large role in how people react to stressful bondage. So if someone is pissed off, sad, depressed, happy... etc. etc. It effects the answer to these questions.
Sometimes I think the most disturbing thing about these questions is the fact that even people that aren’t exactly new to bondage seem to not know why they’re unanswerable in any very useful form. Even giving a general estimate is going to be a liability if someone is going to take that estimate as some kind of reasonable working figure and watch the clock rather than actually understanding what’s actually going on.
So what is the answer?
The real answer is not always a popular one. The real answer is that you have to develop judgement. This means learning about a variety of things over time, and that means developing experience and judgement. And that means hard work, observation, study, practice, not expecting everything to come at once, and... not expecting easy pat answers.
When I think of rope
When I think of rope it is such a humble thing, such a workman like product of the artisan. Such a simple thing with which to enthral the senses and to bind the body and spirit of another.
And yet, in this unassuming and humble item we find the perfect means for the expression of our desires to capture utterly the spirit, mind and body of another.
Our rope becomes the extension of ourselves that reaches where we cannot, that embraces beyond our reach and holds beyond our strength.
Because of this our rope becomes personal to us in a special way. Like the tool of a craftsman. So we care for and attend to the needs of our rope as we care for something with a value we cannot express. We prepare and ready it for its role, we care for it after use.
It is after all, an extension of ourselves in our most intimate endeavours.
Accidental
Sometimes awful things happen, not because the person who was doing them was awful but because something went awfully wrong. An equipment failure, an error of judgement, a slip, a miscalculation.
I saw a performance, there was an error, the model nearly dropped.
- Before the performance I really liked them.
- After she nearly dropped her I really liked them; even though my heart was in my mouth for her.
- If she'd have dropped I would have still liked them; even though I would be so very concerned for her.
There was a mistake, an error of judgement, a narrowly avoided catastrophe.
What there wasn't was maliciousness, carelessness or arrogance.
Please note that I liked them as people before, during and after. This incident during the performance did not in any way effect my judgement or feeling for them as people.
I have seen people's reputations attacked, their competence and attitude questioned, their character questioned because they made a mistake.
Sometimes things do go wrong because people used inappropriate technique or equipment. Sometimes because they made the wrong choices or did not consider likely problems. Sometimes it's the persons fault very clearly. But on other occasions it's worth considering that sometimes human beings make honest mistakes or commit an error of judgement under pressure.
Every incident, accident and circumstance is different. I think people should, if they can, step back, consider things rationally and at least give head room to the idea that human frailty is the true culprit. On mature consideration it may be that it wasn't but it's the apparent failure to consider the human dimension that leaps out at me.
Whatever the conclusion, try to remember that you are talking about humans, they do have feelings, which can seem to be forgotten in on-line discussions sometimes. Your words can effect them deeply.
p.s. I have wondered in light of recent events if I should post this article. I wrote the outline of this post after the event where the incident I referred to took place. I have hesitated to post the completed article in case it was taken as oblique reference to another more recent event. However I'm hoping that people will read this for what it is, especially given this note.
Doing it by the book.
When it comes to suspension should people do it by the book? For instance should you have a fixed check list and tick off your safety checks? Should it be a rigid and defined procedure, set and unchangeable?
The answer to this is a loud and very resounding no! Fixing things in this way is the enemy of creativity, the enemy of development, the enemy of growth.
On the other hand...
Certain things should be checked, some, before you start, like the health of the suspension rig and your equipment which should be checked out in a methodical manner. When tying load bearing lines during a suspension they should be tied and locked in an appropriate manner.
Where the difficulty arises is in determining what is an appropriate manner.
What is appropriate changes depending on what is being done, with whom in what circumstances. This will in the end be to some extent a matter of judgement. To be able to make this kind of judgement a person needs knowledge and experience.
You cannot replace knowledge and experience with a check list.
This can go wrong.
The unexpected can effect us all... unexpectedly. Many people say to expect the unexpected. With respect to rope bondage and suspension the number things that could go wrong is large but finite we therefore can be prepared for the majority of likely happenings.
One thing that occurs to me is that there is a difference between knowing what to do about something and coping with something in the heat of the moment. It's something you will only ever find out when it happens.
When it comes to something going unexpectedly wrong, overconfidence and arrogance are the enemies of preparedness, the assumption that something will not go wrong for you. This can lead to ill preparedness and inattention.
Be aware of the risks, consider carefully if you are willing to accept responsibility for something going seriously wrong.
It's my opinion that you should always be aware that..
This can go wrong and have very real and serious consequences.
The dangers of what you are doing should be present in your mind.
Doing suspension bondage always carries risks, people sometimes talk of risk free and having methods that are less risky but there is no such thing as risk free and it's always, regardless of method more risky than not doing it. It is always a risk. It should be a calculated risk that you enter into knowingly and consentingly and with a grasp of the possible consequences and with a preparedness to accept the unhappy consequences of a mistake or failure. This cannot happen if you are not aware of the risks, it cannot be done responsibly without knowledge of how to deal with the possible problems, it cannot be done consentingly without both parties knowing the possible consequences and making an informed decision to enter into the activity.
I have seen people say that suspension is not an advanced skill, that it's easy and can be done safely with minimal knowledge. I cannot help but see these people as fools. You are literally hanging someone's life on your rope and your partner is quite literally trusting you with their life and well-being. This is not something to be casually regarded as a basic skill. You are by engaging in this act accepting responsibility for that persons life, safety and well-being. Be aware of that fact.
There are no getouts and no letoffs. It is absolutely incumbent upon you to know your business and to take that business and your responsibility seriously.
Does your work speak for you?
Does your work speak for you?
I'm connected to my work, it's a part of me, it comes out of me and so I cannot help it being part of me, speaking for part of me, expressing part of me.
However it's not all of me and only connects to some aspects of my 'self'.
They are aspects that I think are important. At least they seem so to me so in this context they are.
If your work doesn't speak at least 'of you' and to some extent 'for you' then maybe you're not doing what you should.
Does my work speak for me?
Yes of course, how could it not?
Is it Art or Pornography?
Rope bondage. Is it Art or Pornography?
Yes.
In all endeavours we should I believe aspire to the highest level. So can this be art, absolutely. Is my work art? I will leave that judgement to the spectator. I would not be so arrogant as to proclaim my work as art nor myself an artist.
The fact of the erotic or even the pornographic does not preclude beauty. It is just as much a part of our humanity as our aesthetic tastes.
Personally I think the brevity of the form makes it more beautiful not less. The image or the video can only capture the appearance of the moment, people can see the expressions and the movement of the moment but cannot feel it, they can empathise and imagine but they cannot be in that moment. If you like it's a creation of not just aesthetics but of emotion experienced within the moment. Not an installation.
Beautiful and brief. If I may permit myself a cliché.... like the cherry blossom the beauty is all the more vivid and precious for its brevity.
A thanks.
I have lately thought about inspiration and where it comes from. When it comes to bondage there are of course a few very obvious examples of those that have inspired me. Osada Steve as a teacher and friend an obvious inspiration and influence. With others it’s harder to say. Chimou Nureki who’s work, taste and legacy in film and literature the western student of Shibari cannot help but see. Denki Akechi who’s style and ties and aesthetic choices have been such an influence not only directly but also via the work of others themselves influenced. Go Arisue who has influenced me not only with his aesthetic but also with his tying style. Haruki Yukimura who’s ideas of bondage and who’s effect upon the bound inspire differently and make me search for deeper connection and effect via rope. Recently Akira Naka came more to my attention and his different energy and style has added something new to the mix that though I can’t name it I feel. Kinoko Hajime who inspires in a another way with his enthusiasm and passion to drive kinbaku on for a new generation.
I wonder how many who’s names I never knew have influenced and inspired me via pictures, behind the scenes in movies, in words repeated, in their teaching passed on via others. And how many of those were inspired by figures such as Seiu Ito?
For all that share a passion for kinbaku we owe debts of gratitude to them all. I owe a debt of gratitude to them all. For without those that developed, pushed, publicised, taught, thought, wrote and spoke I, sitting in my home in England typing these words, may never have discovered this passion and pleasure art and satisfaction. This wonderful obsession that has become the centre of my life.
To you all of you present and past, who have and continue to inspire. I thank you.