When the unethical meet the unprepared
I think that the majority of, shall we say, unfortunate incidents that happen in the kink scene occur when the unethical manage to meet the unprepared!
When either I or my partner meet someone new into kink our instinct is to point them at useful and informative resources, try to answer questions and to give them some space to learn and find their feet.
Others don't want them to learn. Or find their feet. They want to take advantage of the new persons ignorance.
Normally I try quite hard to post in a logical manner, however sometimes I 'blog angry' when something happens to especially tick me off. In the interests of full disclosure, the kind of person that exploits others inexperience and take advantage of that tick me off. Posturing ass holes tick me off. Scummy, manipulative fucktards... tick me off!
The most ticking thing is that... well they're pathetic. If they didn't prey on the vulnerable they'd be SOL they have nothing that would actually attract someone to them, they're totally unlovable and worthless.
They would, of course be utterly pitiable if it wasn't for the fact that they hurt people. Prey on the vulnerabilities and weaknesses of others, of course they go after the vulnerable because they are fundamentally weak people who cannot cope with people who aren't vulnerable.
When I say 'weak' I mean of course that they're cowards. Morally, intellectually and emotionally.
After all people who are healthy aren't afraid of people who are strong, or of knowledge or of people having different opinions or of the independence of mind of their partners, don't need to seek out weakness. Their need to prey on the weakness of others only highlights their own fear and cowardice.
These people thrive in the silence of others, in the shame and fear of those that they manipulate.
Some people who have encountered these worthless fucktards have come out through these trials, emerged strong and unafraid. You can only admire those that have. It is their courage that saves others from meeting the same fate time and time again. To those people, I absolutely salute you.
Shame, Silence and Ethics in BDSM
A friend of ours posted an article about her experiences on finding the kink world. It's bravely written and very worthwhile reading so I wanted as many people as possible to see it.
I reproduce her article here with her permission
The post I thought I’d never write; Shame, Silence and Ethics in BDSM
By _Sunday_ Grab a coffee..this one’s going to be lengthy.
I'm sitting here today about to write a post I never thought I would have the guts to write. I've thought about it over the years, but for many reasons which will become clear decided against it.
Over the past couple of days my account on Fetlife has been very busy. My inbox has been flooded with messages, my previous post has had many comments (sorry for not replying to all of them) and I've felt quite overwhelmed with what has been going on both in public and behind the scenes.
When I wrote that post on Saturday I was pissed. I was angry and I couldn't help but put myself into the shoes of all the women that the post that sparked all this referred to. I didn't take any personal insult from it myself but I was fucking cross on behalf of other people.
I've never wanted to write up my personal story, I never intended to and even yesterday morning I felt that to do so would leave me open to accusations of having a personal axe to grind. I didn't want that, I didn't want my message to be written off as one from an angry bitter ex, I didn't want to give this person that card to attempt to play with, because truly that is not how I feel.
But the last couple of day’s events have taken over to the extent where I've had a complete rethink and I've changed my mind. I've changed it because actually my personal experience DOES matter, it matters because so many women share similarities with me and are not only fearful of speaking up but are currently locked into a process of self-hatred and shame. And despite everything, I've shared that feeling of shame over the years and so have never posted publicly with my story, and have only spoken in detail about it to a few people.
I want to speak a bit about the things I've kept quiet, and how they have impacted me. This post is aimed at other people who have had similar experiences, either with the same person in question or from a wider point of view. I also want to speak to people beginning their travels into BDSM and hopefully share some information that could come in handy.
Ready?
In the Autumn of 2008 I had my first ever BDSM experience. I had only split recently with the father of my then 2 year old son. I was suffering from post-natal depression and was adjusting to life as a single parent, as well as beginning a Masters degree. I’d thought about BDSM for a long time before I did anything, it was actually one of the reasons I split with my ex (amongst other things) and I was enjoying my new-found freedom both from that relationship and also the grind of having a small baby.
I typed ‘BDSM Meet’ into Google one night after a few glasses of wine and a site called Alt.com popped up. I registered that night. After a few days I found a profile of someone who did orgasm denial and chastity. I found the profile to be well-written and there seemed to be plenty of women on the blog associated with it and ‘testimonial’ section who had positive, even amazing, things to say about it all so I was immediately curious. The person appeared well-established and like they knew what they were talking about. I’d never heard of orgasm denial / control before and I was curious. So I sent a message asking about it.
Within days of that message we were in contact via the phone. My first ‘task’ before I’d ever even spoken to this person was to leave a voicemail having an orgasm on his phone. I did it, thinking it was all terribly sexy and exciting. I saw a headshot which I thought looked fine (I only later discovered it was over a decade old) but other than that I had no idea what he looked like, only his voice, we never cammed in the time I knew him. We began to talk on the phone.
He asked me to orgasm deny for a few days to see if I could do it, as a sort of ‘challenge’. I am pretty up for a challenge at the best of times and didn't actually think I would be able to do it, so I agreed..I thought it sounded really exciting and sexy. And actually it really was!!! From that moment on until we ended things I was orgasm denied. This brand of orgasm control is not just about not having orgasms. You had to do ‘edges’ and ‘ruins’ as well. An ‘edge’ is where you masturbate to the point of orgasm and then stop and a ‘ruin’ is where you go until your orgasm is starting and then stop. You never have a full orgasm so are constantly horny and sexual and also thought processes get a little messy. If you have never experienced prolonged orgasm denial and control like this it is hard to explain how quickly it can alter your thought processes, but I assure you it can. Ever had that moment when you are thinking of something crazy intense in the heat of the moment and then you cum and go..whoa wtf was THAT all about? Think of that head-state but without the ‘wake up’ after orgasm part.
After a little while of this he took to calling me up, and sending a LOT of text messages with instructions about orgasm denial stuff..was not unusual to have to do like 20 or 30 edges in a row and then ruins as well, which is quite intense. I thought all this was great fun and exciting too. I was also being told a lot about how BDSM worked and the ‘hierarchy’ (i.e. from Sunday player to slave) and what it would take to be taken seriously BDSM-wise and reach the level of ‘slave’ which meant you were at the top of the ‘hierarchy’. (I know I KNOW, but I wanted to be accepted in this new world).
So he would call and I would ‘edge’ on the phone whilst he talked to me. The first few conversations were more questions to see my reactions to different sexual and BDSM things. Some were fairly ‘tame’ like public exposure, humiliation stuff like that. And then he started in on the more extreme / taboo things. He tried out incest and bestiality, both of which I was really like ‘NO’ about and then hit on extreme torture, BDSM ‘snuff’ and ‘dolcett’. Dolcett is like art-work and stuff and a fantasy thing which involved killing and eating girls mainly and stuff like cooking women on spits things like that. Never heard of it before and was quite disturbed by this but also we spent hours on the phone with me masturbating and him talking about it and I was excited by the torture / masochistic ‘snuff’ stuff in a way I couldn’t really explain at the time, a mixture of emotions. I guess taboo stuff is like that although this has been my one and only experience with it.
So after more of this he sent me websites about dolcett and ones with written stories on them and got me to start looking up stories for him and send them to him about snuff, extreme BDSM torture and dolcett. Dolcett was not really my bag per se but I went along with it. I was much more interested in the extreme torture thing as it tapped into my masochistic fantasies in a VERY extreme way. We arranged for a meet and leading up to this meet he asked me to write him a story. I thought the task was to write a story in the style of these stories id been sending him so I wrote an extreme dolcett / snuff / torture story and sent it. Turns out he was actually after my fantasies of what I wanted to happen on our meet so I did it wrong anyway, but it is quite an extreme piece of writing. I don’t have it any longer but I have been assured (of course) that he has kept it.
So the meet got closer and he told me my instructions which were to do with clothing to bring (high heels, stockings and a short skirt), to tell no-one where I was going and turn up and be prepared for anything to happen to me, including being ‘snuffed’. I obviously did not think for a minute he would do any of these things, however I DID say yes to this when I was masturbating on the phone to him and also I turned up to the meet without having set up a safe call. I had no-one to set one up with anyway. I knew no-one outside of him in a BDSM context, he already had all of my passwords to my email and Alt.com account, I was banned from talking to other dominants and I was also banned straight away from certain submissives as well. I was busy and spending hours texting and on the phone with him as well as my work, family and uni responsibilities and I spent approximately ZERO time researching any of this BDSM stuff for myself. I just followed what he said. Really you could write this into a textbook of what NOT to do when you begin in BDSM!
When I got to this first ever meet I had to text just before I got there. Then he texted back and said I had to go inside get into my outfit and put a blindfold on. So I did. He then came up behind me and put chains on me (and this was the first time I realised he was morbidly obese..which is relevant in so far as he had told me he was an average to ‘bigger’ size. I was intimidated by his size he was at least 3 times my weight) and then blindfolded he put a pen in my hand and made me sign a piece of paper which he said gave him permission to do anything he wanted to me, including dolcett / snuff. I was scared but I signed it (I later heard it was a pizza menu, although I’ve no idea if that’s true or not, I’ve never seen it).
We went upstairs and I thought some masochistic stuff was going to happen but all that actually happened was I sucked his cock for quite some time, still blindfolded. Then he said another girl was coming, even though we had already agreed on the phone that I didn't want to be around another girl on my first ever meet. I didn't feel able to argue and when the girl showed up I had to let her in. This girl turned out to be X who is now one of my closest friends and so a good thing came out of that part. What I did not know at the time however was that she was only not long 18 and also had been being groomed into dolcett fantasies. From there the meet was more around me and her pleasuring him and a bit of light caning and housework. We were not allowed safe-words, no-one was. At that time he also insisted his girls wore blindfolds at ALL times. I've only ever looked him in the eye once or twice. The rest of the time blindfolded or if blindfold up with my back to him.
From there the meets were less extreme in terms of snuff / dolcett for me personally, although not for my friend who went solo one time and got horribly burned in a Hitachi Wand accident. Over time he lost interest in it as a fantasy I think and really a lot of what followed was a lot more tame.
A few incidents such as having my ass burnt with a hot iron without my consent and non-consensual face-slapping stick out in my mind but overall I was becoming more and more disillusioned with it all. I am not poly and he expected poly-mono. I spoke with another dominant on IM who mailed me and tried to warn me off him but I told my dominant I’d had the conversation and was accused of cheating on him.
After a couple more months I was pissed off to fuck with not orgasming and becoming more and more argumentative and bolshie as I realised just how inconsistent the whole ‘service’ was and how little info he’d allowed me to have outside of him. Having read more and got a little more info I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable and feeling ‘played’ BDSM wise and that he’d been highly manipulative. It was easy enough to forget about the dolcett stuff because I felt really weird about it anyway, or push it to the back of my mind at least.
After only four months it was over. What followed was him telling everyone I had contacted him begging him to kill me. That I wanted to die, I was a depressive and had mental health issues and cheated on him and stalked him and stuff like that. He told everyone I was a terrible mother for travelling to him without telling anyone and that he was only trying to ‘save’ me in case I contacted an actual nutter who really did want to kill me. He has repeated these rumours for YEARS, they still filter down to me now, twisting every little thing to fit this story and paint me in a way that attempts to discredit my real concerns with his actions.
I’ve been accused of stalking him , that I keyed his car, that I threatened his life and that I made numerous harassing calls to him, that I would sit outside his house and stare at him for hours...the list goes on and on and on. He wrote post after post about me, got others to do the same and bullied me non-stop for well over two years. It only stopped properly when I began modelling and all of a sudden he wanted to know me. Suddenly he felt he could get something from knowing me, i.e. a boost to his standing by saying a fetish model is one of his exes.
I could go on and on with other incidents but these are the facts that I wanted to share, the one’s I've kept quiet about.
Why have I kept quiet? Because I was ashamed. Firstly I was ashamed of the story I wrote and the Dolcett stuff which I find personally pretty sickening now. I am aware others might enjoy extreme edge play (which I now know it to have been. Not that I knew it then), but in this way it was only ever really something I allowed myself to be led into and since then have never had any sort of wish to explore it. I was ashamed because it was used against me in two of my weak spots...my role as a mother and the fact I have suffered from depression over the years and am an ex self-harmer.
I was called a bad mother for going somewhere without a safe call..and for a long time I really believed that was true and it kept me quiet. But really what do I have to be ashamed of? Yes I was fucking stupid, I should NEVER have gone somewhere without a safe call. I have learnt from that and it does not make me a bad mother, it just means I was a dickhead for a short space of time.
I was also ashamed because like all good manipulations the ‘dying’ thing had a grain of truth to it. Like many depressives I have often wished not to be here anymore, I’ve even expressed that wish to others. Not that I want to kill myself or be killed ffs, just that I don’t want to live with the pain any longer. Some days I still feel that way.
But those feelings were used against me to discredit me, to shame me, to show why I was ‘crazy’ and a nutter if I tried to speak out about the poor behaviour of this person.
And I am NOT the only one this has happened to.
So I'm telling what happened to me now in the hope other people see this and get something positive out of it. I'm also writing it for me so I can finally put that shame to bed once and for all.
Dominating someone, being a party to their secret fantasies and desires, exploring their sexuality with them and their sometimes intense feelings comes with a huge responsibility. People are NOT there to be manipulated into fulfilling someone else’s fantasies and then have those used against them if things do not go well.
It is completely unethical for a person to act in this manner, to enforce scenes which are not only incredibly intense to a total novice but then use those very scenes in order to shame the person who took part in them.
Humiliation scenes for example then used as potential blackmail, not the consensual type, the real type. Videos, pictures...posted or left up without consent. No safeword even on very first meets. Violating safety by not allowing a safe-call, and then using that to bully a person for years? Setting up edge-play scenes without even informing a newbie that’s what they were?
This is NOT ethical behaviour.
I just want to say to anyone who has been through anything
similar..please..do NOT feel ashamed and blame yourself. I personally am a well-educated, sensible woman and a responsible mother. I managed to lose my head entirely and make a lot of decisions and go along with a lot of things that I look back on and think ‘bloody hell what WERE you thinking?!’. My thought processes were deeply affected by the orgasm control, I believe it to be a powerful tool and one that in the wrong hands can be extremely dangerous.Yes it is important for all of us that we learn from these experiences, ensure we protect ourselves better the next time, and take that personal responsibility on.
But we must also not forget that we can only shoulder so much guilt and self-blame when we have been used and manipulated and shamed and scared by someone who has done this to countless women, has been doing it for years. Not every single one of course, abusers NEVER act that way ALL of the time, or even to ALL the people they are around. It is one of many reasons why they can carry on doing what they do undetected. Each person is different and each will have a different story, some more extreme than others.
I want everyone who reads this to know that I WAS ashamed for years. I never felt I would talk about this publicly and my ex fucking knew I wouldn’t. He KNEW what would get to me, my fear of being painted crazy and suicidal, my fear of being a bad mother..my SHAME at those things...and boy he used it, he used it really well. Just as he uses others fears and shame against them after being charm personified to worm his way in enough to figure out what will work on each woman.
Guess what? I'm not ashamed anymore I made some mistake yes, but I never hurt anyone..the only one who got hurt was me. He has no power over me anymore no way of making me feel guilty or bad or silent or ashamed. It feels fucking awesome.
I know some others who have had these experiences are not there yet, but you will be. Shame and silence are terrible bed-fellows, they make it all so much worse. Shame thrives in silence. But they can be overcome and you can move forward from experiences such as this.
I want my story to also serve as notice to people just finding their feet in the scene, to encourage them to take it slowly and to learn and question everything. Be VERY wary of anyone who tells you there is only one way to do things, or tries to isolate you from information or other forms of support.
There is usually a very good reason for this.
BDSM and kink can be so wonderful. So powerful. So enjoyable. So fun and so fucking sexy. But it can also attract dangerous people who will use it in ways that damage others.
Be careful, stay safe and ultimately...have fun!! It’s what it’s about really. Exploration, growth and fun. Not shame, not fear, not feeling bad about yourself. That’s not kink. That’s just fucked.
London festival of the art of Japanese bondage (6)(Monday)
OK so my memory is far from perfect so right here I'm going to apologise to anyone that I've left out by accident in any of my blogs. The published schedule is by now nothing but a vague guide as is my own recollection. It's been DAYS since the actual event and some things loom larger in the memory than others. Combined with the fact that I know for certain I missed some early shows. I've only written about stuff I actually remember seeing. So if I didn't see your show... I will not have written about it and that not writing about it does not comment upon the quality of your performance*.
After a late start, followed by lunch and interviews we eventually turned up to the venue slightly late just in time to catch the end of Gradancer and Cherrydoll's performance. This was very different to a lot of the shows and even finished off with cigar play. I wish I could write more about it but sadly I didn't see it all.
Peter Slemrian and Adreena followed.
Next was Riccardo Wildties and Redsabbath. I had a personal reason for being happy to see this performance, for me it was one of the highlights of the festival.
Finally there was Kazami Ranki and Gestalta. This was a very intense show. It may have not started out showing what it would become but the ending on the floor where Gestalta was completely choked out was an intense moment for the festivals performances to end on.
Finally
This festival has been the very best that I've attended. The attitudes of everyone attending has been the best, the most community minded, the most happy, the greatest camaraderie and the most supportive. Clover expressed it so well here. Plus it finished with Jon Murakawa dancing. And that's not something you see every day.
I am already missing the event, the people, the friends that I and we love. I cannot wait to see you all again.
*OK so one show I didn't write about on purpose due to it, and the bondage it contained being so utterly awful that I don't want to bring down the positive comments by posting even a description of either it or the attitude of the person responsible, he did himself and his countrymen a disservice with both his words and actions.
London festival of the art of Japanese bondage (5)(Sunday)
Sunday began with a bondage lesson for a very lovely couple in the teaching van outside the gallery. (Yes I know that might sound a bit odd but it did provide a perfectly serviceable teaching area complete with suspension point). We had a great lesson and I was really very happy with the progress made. I love it when I can feel that I've really given people something that they can use.
For Sunday's performances we began with Aliya from Russia doing a self suspension show which was very impressively athletic.
Moonlight Shadow followed with a psychedelic feeling show. I can only describe it as a very interesting and different and challenging performance. While it might not have been 'Japanese' style bondage it was very different to every other performance and had an affect on the audience.
Next was Hebari and Rabbitbunny. Hebari's usual partner was unfortunately unable to make it to the festival. Rabitbunny again deserves credit for stepping in at the last minute and Hebari for making it though a good show with hardly any chance to practice with a new partner.
Andrea Ropes from Italy was another rigger without his usual partner. Nina Russ stepped in for this show. (I have to give her special credit for hard work in bottoming for two shows and topping for one.) The show was another unusual ones, Andrea in full wa-fuku style clothing and Nina in a zentai suit with a paper 'radiation suit' over that. It was an interesting mix of styles.
Last on was Bob Ropemarks and Dutch Dame. Again I can only remark on how different the styles of all the performances where. Techno music, industrrial sounds, samples from the film SAW and a pigs head worn by Bob.Dutch Dame was very elegant (and also we notice the only totally nude performer in the whole festival). The show was very high paced and energetic.
With one more night to go we were exhausted but very happy and looking forward to the final evening.
London festival of the art of Japanese bondage (4)(Saturday)
After the excitement of performing on the Friday night we were ready to just enjoy watching the shows on Saturday. One of the great things about the festival is that you see so many different performers and styles and Saturday saw some of the greatest contrasts.
Special mentions must go to Jack the Whipper and Zahara who not only did a great show but showed great humour and maturity dealing with things not going perfectly smoothly. Rabbitbunny and Cherry Doll stepped in at very short notice to perform and deserve credit for getting on stage without a prepared show or knowing each other more than a day. Also Amy Morgan and Scarlot Rose who also had only met the day previously but nevertheless put on a very well put together show.
This year was the first that we saw riggers from Russia at the festival. One of the most individual was Vlada and Falco. They were very distinct and had a style very different to the other performers. Falco is a quite remarkable performer and male model, he certainly showed strength skill and grace that was quite unusual.
Finally on was Zamile and LX who provided yet another contrast by beginning their act with dance and burlesque striptease. Apparently LX hasn't danced in years. Well it didn't show and the audience really got into it. They really had fun together and their spirit of enjoyment infected the audience and rounded of the night very well finishing on a very positive mood.
London festival of the art of Japanese bondage (3)(Friday)
We have had a spectacularly good first day at the LFAJB. Meeting old friends has been a major part of the day. And of course new ones.
Great to see Scott Smith again with Serene Chaos, it'll all end in tears if she's good. Was nice to talk with Graydancer a little. We've been at the same events or passed close several times but never really seemed to have the chance to talk properly. One of the first people we saw on arrival at the festival venue was a very tired Kazami Ranki.
It's always nice to see John Murakawa, the man just lives and breathes art and is besides one of the nicest people I know.
We unexpectedly discovered that Zamil and his partner were staying in the same location as us when as we left first thing Zamil entered apparently carrying a crate of apples. We later learned that it actually contained an extensive breakfast.
We were on the bill of performers today along with Kazami Ranki, Nina Russ, Boris Mosafir, Boykitten and 123 Avalon.
I have to say that there was a smashing atmosphere throughout the evening for the performances. The crowd was just wonderful.
I don't know what else to write at the moment. Tired but happy.
To be continued...
Rope bondage is boring and slow
(As one or two people have read the first couple of paragraphs of this post and gone bonkers without reading the whole thing in context I'd like to just add this note to recommend that you read the whole thing first.
I wrote this article because people keep insisting on telling myself, my partner, friends that rope bondage is boring and slow. If they find it so then that's up to them. It's their going out of their way to tell someone that does like it that it absolutely just is that I find rude and ignorant. Also their narrow-mindedness and lack of imagination in being unable to accept that it may be a different experience for others.)
Is it? Can't say I've ever noticed that myself.
Slow and boring dynamic suspension during the London festival of the art of Japanese bondage.
I honestly find that rope is as slow or quick as I want it to be. I think that often the reason that some people characterize rope as slow and boring is that they are themselves slow and boring.
Let's face it, without skill or imagination you can make anything boring.
There might be a secondary reason some think that rope is slow and boring. That being that someone has only watched someone slow and boring doing rope, formed their impression and being a person of limited imagination are sticking to that as an absolute. I've no idea why some people are like that but it's clear that some are.
The thing that always beggars belief is the need some people who don't do bondage have to tell other people that they don't like bondage "because it's slow" as if that were some kind of absolute truth. I don't like some kinds of play and feel absolutely zero compunction to tell people what I don't like in casual conversation. Why on earth do they need to do that? To not only be ignorant but to demonstrate their ignorance? Do they really think that people will not notice that reality doesn't match up with what they say? Do they think that you'll say 'oh wow, you're right, this thing that I really like, really is slow and boring just like you're telling me'?
One of the side thoughts that comes to me from this is the apparently automatic assumption that slow = boring. Why?
Most of the time I want sessions to last want to draw out the feeling of tying. It's not just something to be gotten out of the way. Is all your kink something to be gotten out of the way? The faster something can be done the better the kink? Well if that's what you're like with your play and sensual life that's up to you. If not, if you think that some things are worth taking your time over... well what's your point?
I think that again this can be the result of failing to see the possibilities. Some seem to see bondage only as an means to an end something to be done before kink rather than being a kink and therefore cannot see beyond their preconception. There's nothing wrong with using bondage as a means to an end but that's not the same as being unable to see that it can be more than a means to an end.
Further snooze inducing rope bondage activity.
Rope bondage can indeed be quick and utilitarian. It can take seconds... or it can take hours if you choose. One of its great strengths is that it is so flexible. Rope is infinitely flexible but you need to acquire skills to make use of that flexibility.
Once you have the skills you can make rope anything from sensual to extremely torturous. Extremely quick to indefinitely drawn out. The choice becomes yours.
Slow and boring?
If you know what you're doing you can make it slow and interesting............ and hot and sensual and nasty and loving and painful and...
Rope bondage and transferable skills
One phrase that tends to set my nerves a little on edge is when people say I've done X therefore I'm good at Y.
- I've done sailing; therefore I'm good at rope bondage
(because they both involve rope) - I've done climbing; therefore I'm good at rope bondage
(because they both involve rope) - I've done engineering; therefore I'm good at rope bondage
(because bondage is just engineering) - I've done knife fighting; therefore I'm good at cookery
(because they both involve knives)
1, What this assumes is that... because bondage involves knots being good at knots is the same as being good at bondage. While you do need to be able to tie the odd knot for bondage the majority of the skills that make you good at bondage are not tying knots.
2, This is often quoted when it comes to suspension. What I'll say here is that climbers can have a lot of good knowledge where it comes to equipment and creating secure points to work from. The knowledge is good for that reason and purpose but does not translate into bondage. Climbing has very little to do with binding the human body.
3, While having the kind of mind that can understand engineering aspects it doesn't teach much about binding the human body. Purely technical knowledge has it's place very much so above the suspension point for instance. An engineers knowledge of structure and material properties can be very useful in informing you if a point is likely to be robust enough to hang your suspension point.
4, This one was kind of a joke to make a point about about not assuming that "It involves rope therefore I'm good at bondage" isn't always a valid statement.
Personally I can say that I've climbed, sailed competitively in my youth, have an engineering degree (no I've not been a knife fighter). I have years of practical engineering experience and design experience. However I don't for a second believe that they in any way make me automatically good at rope bondage. Only learning and perusing bondage itself has done that. None of this is saying that these things are not useful or beneficial to know. I always use climbing rated biners and slings for my hanging hard points from beams needs; because I know damn well that they're more than man enough for the job I'm asking them to do. I benefit from my engineering knowledge and experience in judging the strength of beams or in designing suspension frames.
So don't think I'm devaluing this knowledge it is valuable, just remember that it's not bondage knowledge, you're working with a human not just an engineering project. Medical knowledge is also very useful, it's not bondage knowledge in and of itself but it is invaluable in informing your bondage in many ways.
After all you wouldn't apply it the other way, "I'm good at bondage therefore I'm good at mountaineering" or "I'm good at bondage therefore I'm a good sailor" You might well be able to tie off a line but sailing requires you to know other sailing specific things.
The connections between many skills is only peripheral.
I know some people say things like "But they give you general dexterity and rope handling skills, surely that's a help". Yes I agree, rope handling skills and dexterity are very useful. They are however not specifically sailing, climbing, engineering or even cooking specific skills. They are useful to all of the mentioned pursuits but are not skills unique to that pursuit if you follow the meaning. They could have been learned in any of the mentioned pursuits or any one of many more, they could have been learned in isolation, they can be learned in bondage itself. They are if you like baseline human skills that are useful in many fields but not specific to any.
The only real point I want to make is that I actually see people saying in so many words, I'm good at X and therefore will be good at bondage. This is a misconception. They may have some knowledge that's peripherally useful but that doesn't make them automatically good at bondage any more than knife fighters are automatically good chefs.
Newaza with Yukimura Haruki (part 2)
What a really good learning experience does is open your mind to new possibilites, possibilities you hadn't suspected before. Further it gives you a way into those new experiences.
One thing that I think is worth emphasising is the tremendous contribution that the interpreters made to this class. In a large part due to the fact that not only were they there because they spoke excellent Japanese but also they were students of Yukimura Sensei and therefore understood what they were translating and could also spot the mistakes that we made during the day. They were very much part of making the day what it was.
The grand master is also known for his calligraphy skills and it was a great surprise to receive this calligraphied board on the day.
Through watching videos of the grand master tying I had some idea of what Yukimura Sensei was about but learning from him showed how easy it is to fail to understand what someone is really doing from just watching. I had thought that a large part of what he was doing was not so to speak 'in the visible range' and that proved to be the case. I shall certainly be re-viewing his videos with new eyes now.
This might be disappointing to some readers but one thing I'm not going to do in this blog or anywhere else is describe Yukinura Sensei's techniques or the content of the lessons. This is his information and method to teach as he chooses and to publish at his discretion. I think that just like the first time I met Osada Steve Sensei the repercussions of this day's learning will spread through all my tying and also that it will take a long time for the full consequence and implications of these lessons to be fully recognised.
Yukimura Sensei seems to have quite a definite on screen persona (I want to qualify that by pointing out that I have definitely not seen everything he's done by a very long way) This is not the case of the man in person. It's quite fascinating to see him turn it on when tying. There's certainly no denying the effectiveness of his techniques. One thing that really struck us was that great emphasis was placed on the both safety and the role of the bottom in a scene. Bottoms were not expected to simply be passive objects to be tied, far from it.
So finally I am very happy to have had this opportunity to learn. This is the first time the grand master has taught outside of Japan. I for one am very happy he did. If even only for one day it was wonderful to have this chance to learn.
Note on language: I don't speak very much Japanese and generally don't gratuitously use Japanese titles, terms etc. unless I know for certain what they mean and mostly if there isn't an appropriate English alternative.
Still learning rope work? Naturally!
As a wonderful opportunity approaches to learn with Yukimura Haruki I can't help thinking about learning itself and what an exciting thing it is for me. An opportunity to learn, to move forward, to benefit from the experience of someone who has so much experience, has done so much and earned such respect. I'm excited in a way I can't explain. I am so looking forward to it.
But wait a moment you teach all over the world, perform all over the world. And you're going for lessons?
Absolutely I'm going for lessons. This guy has so much experience, is so good at what he does that learning from him makes absolute sense. If I can reap the benefit of only a fraction of that experience and knowledge then I can leap forward past years of work coming to my own conclusions, conclusions I may never have concluded. Lessons I may never have sumbled upon.
Learning is never finished there is always something you can learn, there are always people who's experience and perspective can give you something new.
I hope that in 20 years from now I'm feeling this way and saying "I'm off to have a session with..."