Badly copied bondage
It's an unfortunate problem that sometimes people copy your bondage badly. Not just that it looks bad but that the person copying something they have seen is copying it without understanding it.
The above is particularly worrying when applied to suspension bondage. Some people seem not to get this but, suspension bondage is dangerous if you get it wrong! Honestly it really is.
I find that the problem of bad copiests particularly effects me when I see pictures of bondage or in some cases hear tell of bondage that is bad, dangerous etc. done by people that I know have seen me rigging. I should not feel this but sometimes I cannot help but feel that I see poor, badly implemented or just plain wrong imitations of things I have done either at a shoot or workshop or demonstration. Did they think that it looked easy therefore it would be easy?
What to do? Nothing unfortunately I have absolutely no desire or right to be some kind of bondage policeman. I don't want to spend my time arguing people out of their decisions. At the end of the day they're adults and responsible for their own actions. But! Should you leave these people to their own mistakes? Unfortunately you have to. You cannot babysit the world, you cannot forcibly educate those that will not learn.
What bothers me is that in the case of bad rigging it is the trusting bound who is going to suffer the consequences of bad bondage not the unskilled rigger.
Many times it seems to me that people are relatively new to rope bondage and see what they perceive to be "cool suspensions" and want to be doing them. Well there's nothing wrong with wanting to do suspensions. What's wrong is when they do suspensions without grasping the basics and getting a firm grip on them first. What's wrong is when they do suspensions without a firm grasp of the consequences of getting it wrong!
Everyone has something go wrong sometime. I've had things go wrong. Regardless of knowledge of bondage, anatomy, experience and however many successful suspensions. Regardless of all I've learned in order to try and reduce the risk of something going wrong it happens. Suspension bondage is risky and it is incumbent on those who do it to be as well prepared as possible.
Now in the light of that statement consider how much more likely it is for something to go wrong with someone who isn't as well prepared. Who doesn't fully understand the risks. Who's technique and skills are at the rudimentary level. People who aren't experienced or knowledgeable to the point where they should be attempting suspension bondage. And I don't just mean the risks of instant damage. Nerve damage problems can be cumulative. Bad placement of ropes can cause problems that aren't immediately obvious and by the time they do become obvious it's too late.
Tied
Running it through my hands,
feeling its texture.
Not looking at it.
Looking at you.
Images run through my mind,
how you will look,
what I will do.
Laying it on your skin,
binding,
restricting,
ornamenting.
Making you helpless.
Hitch, weave, cinch, tension, turn.
Beautiful, and beautiful.
Helpless but held.
Tied
I am not Japanese.
I am not Japanese.
I did not grow up in Japan. I do not have the cultural frame of reference of someone Japanese. I do not speak Japanese very well.
That may seem obvious but it's a relevant point because, I love Japanese bondage, I find it heart achingly beautiful. But when I do bondage it is a western person doing it.
Despite the appearance of some of my bondage, it isn't done by someone Japanese, with a Japanese spirit or with any of the any other of the myriad cues, associations and references that make up a Japanese perspective on bondage.
So what does this mean for my bondage?
Well everything and nothing really. Much as I would like to understand, or may study I will never truly have a Japanese mind set. I don't however believe that this means less for my feeling for bondage. It does not diminish my delight in it or my passion to tie. With a partner who has grown up in a western culture their bondage experience and the feelings that they experience when being bound must be different to that of a Japanese person but that does not diminish the experience for them. It means that the experience is different but not, I think less.
Japanese bondage has taught, continues to teach and, I sincerely hope will always have much to teach me.
It's my intention to continue learning and developing my bondage. I'll continue to enjoy my bondage, use Japanese names for Japanese ties where I know them.
Does it matter that I'm not Japanese? No, not really. It's important to remember that my background colours the way I see things and has an effect on my perception and feelings for and from bondage but does not mean the feelings are less or any less valid. It doesn't mean my appreciation for the beauty of Japanese bondage is less, it does mean that it's different.
I am passionate about bondage. I am committed to improving my bondage. I gain great satisfaction from bondage and even more from the affect on my partners. I gain great joy and satisfaction from the intimacy and connection in bondage.
Keepsakes
Today when clearing out the items of life past and the residue of those now gone. I thought about the nature of keepsakes.
These keepsakes are only physical things, they are not the person and cannot connect us to them more strongly than our memories of them.
So why do we hold so strongly to these things? We do not, we hold to that which was of them. Because it is them that we value and wish to find an expression of them still in the physical world.
These things are not precious, our memories of those we loved are.
The myth of the myth of Japanese bondge
One of the oddest things I've become aware of regarding Japanese bondage is the tendency in some quarters to want people to believe that Japanese masters of rope promote some kind of myth surrounding the practice of their bondage. They seem to suggest that there's some conspiracy to create the notion of some super hidden inner mystic knowledge about Japanese rope work.
This seems very strange to me as, of the actual Japanese practitioners that I've had the fortune to meet, perform, teach with, talk to, or otherwise communicate with... not one of them has ever suggested or hinted at any such thing. In fact they all communicate that hard work study and lots and lots of practice is the route to improvement.
I'm perfectly prepared to believe that there will be some who don't want to teach all they know or keep some techniques to themselves but that's hardly the same thing. So... where does this idea come from? I can think of a couple of possibilities for it.
People who can't see the path between their clumsy efforts to the apparently almost effortless execution of a real expert or can't face the amount of straight forward hard work they'd need to do. Perhaps they want to believe that there's some mystical short cut that will take them "from zero to hero" without all that tedious learning and practice. Then of course it's not their fault they can't do so well, not laziness or whatever, it's because some vital secret that if only they knew it would make all the difference.
On the other hand the myth that people have created a false myth is a useful tool to those that wish to devalue something. OK that sentence doesn't read very well but you get the idea. If you can point to something saying look it's just a myth at the heart of it it's very easy to dismiss the whole thing as containing nothing of value. It's also very misleading. These straw man arguments are created because it's so much easier to attack the straw man that they created than to deal with having to produce a real argument.
As I say those are just a couple of possibilities. Maybe it's just because of the former scarcity of information. Nature abhors a vacuum and it's easy to believe that people will fill the void with things they've just made up. Or even that they pretend to know something you don't but that it's a super hidden inner mystic knowledge that you'll only ever learn when you're worth or some other cock and a bull line.
Whatever the reason the myth of the myth of Japanese bondage doesn't really serve anyone except to mislead and the motivations for that aren't worthy whatever their origin.
To be honest with you, I don't see how this could be any kind of a benefit to anyone except those that have some personal agenda to push.
I can't see for instance how those that are really interested would benefit from being initially mislead and then finding out that they'd been mislead. I think that would be discouraging rather than encouraging.
There is without any false myth of super hidden inner mystic knowledge a real mystery and magic. The mystery is of what you don't know yet. The magic is of discovery.
If these sound mundane then I'm sorry, but I have always loved the 'magic' of learning, the moments of discovery, and the reward of hard work. Because then you did it. It's not magic, and it's your own achievement.
A thanks
I have lately thought about inspiration and where it comes from. When it comes to bondage there are of course a few very obvious examples of those that have inspired me. Osada Steve as a teacher and friend an obvious inspiration and influence. With others it’s harder to say. Chimou Nureki who’s work, taste and legacy in film and literature the western student of Shibari cannot help but see. Denki Akechi who’s style and ties and aesthetic choices have been such an influence not only directly but also via the work of others themselves influenced. Go Arisue who has influenced me not only with his aesthetic but also with his tying style. Haruki Yukimura who’s ideas of bondage and who’s effect upon the bound inspire differently and make me search for deeper connection and effect via rope. Recently Akira Naka came more to my attention and his different energy and style has added something new to the mix that though I can’t name it I feel. Kinoko Hajime who inspires in a another way with his enthusiasm and passion to drive kinbaku on for a new generation.
I wonder how many who’s names I never knew have influenced and inspired me via pictures, behind the scenes in movies, in words repeated, in their teaching passed on via others. And how many of those were inspired by figures such as Seiu Ito?
For all that share a passion for kinbaku we owe debts of gratitude to them all. I owe a debt of gratitude to them all. For without those that developed, pushed, publicised, taught, thought, wrote and spoke I, sitting in my home in England typing these words, may never have discovered this passion and pleasure art and satisfaction. This wonderful obsession that has become the centre of my life.
To you all of you present and past, who have and continue to inspire. I thank you.
Sometimes
Sometimes you have to step back, look at your life and think...
I'm so lucky!
I've had some pretty bad downs where it was hard to imagine coming back up again.
All I can say is how amazed I am, by new friends, by fortune, by those I love and by those that love me, by life, love and adventures in kink!
For every new friend and new experience, for new little thing I manage to learn and every new place I go. You cannot know what it means to me.
Life is so wonderful and precious and fills me with such joy. I love you all that are a part of it.
Knot what I meant
Pretty much everyone uses some knots in bondage. There's a lot of preference in their choice and what's the right knot depends on the circumstances.
I have an interest in knots; in service of the bondage.
I have an interest in rope; in service of the bondage.
I have an interest in many thing, in art, in music, in anything that helps to serve the bondage.
What I don't understand is the obsession with these things just as a stand alone concept with no purpose other than to argue about the intrinsic benefits and properties of those knots divorced from their use.
To refute, or not to refute, that is the question.
Sometimes people make posts on forums that are just crazy, full of misinformation, logically flawed, full of false assumptions or just plain wrong.
So what do you do?
Do you ignore these posts; or do you refute them?
Generally I have chosen to refute them believing that if you don't then there's a chance that people especially those starting out may believe them and have their time wasted finding out that they've been steered wrong.
This just, well it's exhausting, it just annoys the me and makes me feel tired. I'm not the internet policeman, I'm not the bondage policeman. However I feel that if you're engaged in a 'community' and want to see it advance you do be being part of that community have take on an implicit responsibility to oppose something that you see as detrimental to that community. And I think that misinformation falls into that category.
I've come to dislike doing this however for a few reasons.
Firstly the person who posted may simply be mistaken in their belief and though you try it's hard to effectively tell them they're 'mistaken' in a way that they are able to accept. People naturally in some cases become somewhat defensive even though the intention was never to attack them.
Secondly some people repeatedly jump on the same hobby horse time after time and have a kind of tunnel vision about what they think is right and wrong and cannot consider any other approach or the possibility of their error. Saying anything to someone like that is just a thankless task in any case because they will never be persuaded by argument, fact or in extreme cases even sanity.
Thirdly and very importantly I start to feel like all I ever post for is to argue. That's not fun. It sucks up energy that could be used for something useful.
A further thought is that there are many topics and posts that occur to me that I don't post because I can well see that if I do I'm going to have to dedicate quite a bit of time to responding to replies that either, didn't read the OP, didn't understand the OP or plain just posted something unrelated. Also you may get one of the afore mentioned hobby horsests who will use any opportunity to push their agenda especially if you post something not in tune with their personal world view.
It seems unavoidable and is tiring. Yet you shouldn't let things go past that you really think are wrong.
It’s all about…
The longer you're around the bondage scene the more you notice the ebb and flow of trends within the scene.
One of the current fads is 'connection' you see people doing classes all over that never apparently worried about this area of their bondage before. I see people who have displayed nothing but an obsession with technique applaud those touting 'connection is all you need'.
When I see posts of that nature I think 'yes but it might be handy to at least know how not to cripple your partner' rather than just saying 'connection is all'.
Don't get me wrong, connection is hugely important. I teach classes on connection. It is in my opinion absolutely central to what rope bondage is all about and always has been. In many ways it's great that these fads turn up and people get into an aspect of bondage that they've previously neglected, not just this one, it's good for everyone to keep connection in mind. Just not to the extent of thinking that it somehow removes the need to know what you're doing.
I'd like to point out that I believe anyone tying another person is responsible to know how to take care of the person in their rope and in their care.
To give an analogy, the idea that it doesn't matter what you do as long as you do it with emotion is one that has led to a lifetime of wasted potential for any number of musicians that felt that knowing what they were doing would somehow 'ruin their feel' when the truth is that not learning was what ruined their development. I sometimes wonder how many people actually believe this kind of thing, how many simply do not think to question it and how many are just using it as an excuse for their laziness. (There have of course been many wonderful players that were not 'classically trained' but these without exception were very dedicated and worked incredibly hard to find their way and develop their own knowledge, none of them just relied on 'feel' to the exclusion of hard work.)
While it's nice that some people are getting away from their monomaniacal obsessions with rope types, knots technical details and realising that it is actually about people, it is alarming to see those people now saying that the only thing you need is 'feel' whatever you may define that as, and that's all with no mention of any necessary skills.
The danger of fadism is the focusing on one aspect to the exclusion of all others.
I believe that it's never one thing or the other but that good bondage is made up of a balance of factors. It's about connection but that doesn't mean it's not about skill. Yes it's about skill but that doesn't mean it's not about knowledge. Yes it's about knowledge but that doesn't mean it's not about connection.
I believe that it's a balance of a combination of things. Ever shifting and changing. The idea that technique is in the way of connection is a common misapprehension. Good technique is in fact the servant of expression and it is through your ability to express yourself and so communicate with your partner that is at the root of being able to cultivate that connection.