When I think of rope
When I think of rope it is such a humble thing, such a workman like product of the artisan. Such a simple thing with which to enthral the senses and to bind the body and spirit of another.
And yet, in this unassuming and humble item we find the perfect means for the expression of our desires to capture utterly the spirit, mind and body of another.
Our rope becomes the extension of ourselves that reaches where we cannot, that embraces beyond our reach and holds beyond our strength.
Because of this our rope becomes personal to us in a special way. Like the tool of a craftsman. So we care for and attend to the needs of our rope as we care for something with a value we cannot express. We prepare and ready it for its role, we care for it after use.
It is after all, an extension of ourselves in our most intimate endeavours.
Accidental
Sometimes awful things happen, not because the person who was doing them was awful but because something went awfully wrong. An equipment failure, an error of judgement, a slip, a miscalculation.
I saw a performance, there was an error, the model nearly dropped.
- Before the performance I really liked them.
- After she nearly dropped her I really liked them; even though my heart was in my mouth for her.
- If she'd have dropped I would have still liked them; even though I would be so very concerned for her.
There was a mistake, an error of judgement, a narrowly avoided catastrophe.
What there wasn't was maliciousness, carelessness or arrogance.
Please note that I liked them as people before, during and after. This incident during the performance did not in any way effect my judgement or feeling for them as people.
I have seen people's reputations attacked, their competence and attitude questioned, their character questioned because they made a mistake.
Sometimes things do go wrong because people used inappropriate technique or equipment. Sometimes because they made the wrong choices or did not consider likely problems. Sometimes it's the persons fault very clearly. But on other occasions it's worth considering that sometimes human beings make honest mistakes or commit an error of judgement under pressure.
Every incident, accident and circumstance is different. I think people should, if they can, step back, consider things rationally and at least give head room to the idea that human frailty is the true culprit. On mature consideration it may be that it wasn't but it's the apparent failure to consider the human dimension that leaps out at me.
Whatever the conclusion, try to remember that you are talking about humans, they do have feelings, which can seem to be forgotten in on-line discussions sometimes. Your words can effect them deeply.
p.s. I have wondered in light of recent events if I should post this article. I wrote the outline of this post after the event where the incident I referred to took place. I have hesitated to post the completed article in case it was taken as oblique reference to another more recent event. However I'm hoping that people will read this for what it is, especially given this note.
Doing it by the book.
When it comes to suspension should people do it by the book? For instance should you have a fixed check list and tick off your safety checks? Should it be a rigid and defined procedure, set and unchangeable?
The answer to this is a loud and very resounding no! Fixing things in this way is the enemy of creativity, the enemy of development, the enemy of growth.
On the other hand...
Certain things should be checked, some, before you start, like the health of the suspension rig and your equipment which should be checked out in a methodical manner. When tying load bearing lines during a suspension they should be tied and locked in an appropriate manner.
Where the difficulty arises is in determining what is an appropriate manner.
What is appropriate changes depending on what is being done, with whom in what circumstances. This will in the end be to some extent a matter of judgement. To be able to make this kind of judgement a person needs knowledge and experience.
You cannot replace knowledge and experience with a check list.
What we do changes who we are.
What we do changes who we are, we are made of our memories and our experiences. When we engage in an activity or a course of action the experience of that, the memory the sensations becomes part of us. The person we are after the experience is therefore a different one to the person before the experience.
Sometimes I wonder if taking pleasure in self gratifying activities makes a person more selfish but finding gratification in the giving and sharing of pleasure makes us more sharing and selfless, at least in the some areas of activity.
It is said that people don't change, but I do not believe this. I believe that we change all through our lives to a greater or lessor extent. How much we change and in what direction I think we can, at least to some extent consciously direct.
You can decide to take a selfish path or a less selfish one. You can decide to learn or to remain in ignorance. You can decide to admit your faults and repair them or you can deny them and remain as you are. You can admit when you are wrong and learn or you can twist and rage afraid of admitting your mistake. I think many decisions to take the more destructive path are born of fear and insecurity. A fear of becoming somehow less for admitting weakness or error when in truth you cannot grow, become stronger or learn without accepting and then repairing your weakness or accepting new learning.
Perhaps it is strange that the practice of bondage, the desire to be open and connected with my partner has lead me to examine these issues over the years and to wish to learn, grow, understand, not only myself but my partner in ways that lead to a richer interaction. Or perhaps it is not. Perhaps it is the decision to pursue this path has lead me to this. What I have done has changed who I am.
This can go wrong.
The unexpected can effect us all... unexpectedly. Many people say to expect the unexpected. With respect to rope bondage and suspension the number things that could go wrong is large but finite we therefore can be prepared for the majority of likely happenings.
One thing that occurs to me is that there is a difference between knowing what to do about something and coping with something in the heat of the moment. It's something you will only ever find out when it happens.
When it comes to something going unexpectedly wrong, overconfidence and arrogance are the enemies of preparedness, the assumption that something will not go wrong for you. This can lead to ill preparedness and inattention.
Be aware of the risks, consider carefully if you are willing to accept responsibility for something going seriously wrong.
It's my opinion that you should always be aware that..
This can go wrong and have very real and serious consequences.
The dangers of what you are doing should be present in your mind.
Doing suspension bondage always carries risks, people sometimes talk of risk free and having methods that are less risky but there is no such thing as risk free and it's always, regardless of method more risky than not doing it. It is always a risk. It should be a calculated risk that you enter into knowingly and consentingly and with a grasp of the possible consequences and with a preparedness to accept the unhappy consequences of a mistake or failure. This cannot happen if you are not aware of the risks, it cannot be done responsibly without knowledge of how to deal with the possible problems, it cannot be done consentingly without both parties knowing the possible consequences and making an informed decision to enter into the activity.
I have seen people say that suspension is not an advanced skill, that it's easy and can be done safely with minimal knowledge. I cannot help but see these people as fools. You are literally hanging someone's life on your rope and your partner is quite literally trusting you with their life and well-being. This is not something to be casually regarded as a basic skill. You are by engaging in this act accepting responsibility for that persons life, safety and well-being. Be aware of that fact.
There are no getouts and no letoffs. It is absolutely incumbent upon you to know your business and to take that business and your responsibility seriously.
Badly copied bondage
It's an unfortunate problem that sometimes people copy your bondage badly. Not just that it looks bad but that the person copying something they have seen is copying it without understanding it.
The above is particularly worrying when applied to suspension bondage. Some people seem not to get this but, suspension bondage is dangerous if you get it wrong! Honestly it really is.
I find that the problem of bad copiests particularly effects me when I see pictures of bondage or in some cases hear tell of bondage that is bad, dangerous etc. done by people that I know have seen me rigging. I should not feel this but sometimes I cannot help but feel that I see poor, badly implemented or just plain wrong imitations of things I have done either at a shoot or workshop or demonstration. Did they think that it looked easy therefore it would be easy?
What to do? Nothing unfortunately I have absolutely no desire or right to be some kind of bondage policeman. I don't want to spend my time arguing people out of their decisions. At the end of the day they're adults and responsible for their own actions. But! Should you leave these people to their own mistakes? Unfortunately you have to. You cannot babysit the world, you cannot forcibly educate those that will not learn.
What bothers me is that in the case of bad rigging it is the trusting bound who is going to suffer the consequences of bad bondage not the unskilled rigger.
Many times it seems to me that people are relatively new to rope bondage and see what they perceive to be "cool suspensions" and want to be doing them. Well there's nothing wrong with wanting to do suspensions. What's wrong is when they do suspensions without grasping the basics and getting a firm grip on them first. What's wrong is when they do suspensions without a firm grasp of the consequences of getting it wrong!
Everyone has something go wrong sometime. I've had things go wrong. Regardless of knowledge of bondage, anatomy, experience and however many successful suspensions. Regardless of all I've learned in order to try and reduce the risk of something going wrong it happens. Suspension bondage is risky and it is incumbent on those who do it to be as well prepared as possible.
Now in the light of that statement consider how much more likely it is for something to go wrong with someone who isn't as well prepared. Who doesn't fully understand the risks. Who's technique and skills are at the rudimentary level. People who aren't experienced or knowledgeable to the point where they should be attempting suspension bondage. And I don't just mean the risks of instant damage. Nerve damage problems can be cumulative. Bad placement of ropes can cause problems that aren't immediately obvious and by the time they do become obvious it's too late.
Tied
Running it through my hands,
feeling its texture.
Not looking at it.
Looking at you.
Images run through my mind,
how you will look,
what I will do.
Laying it on your skin,
binding,
restricting,
ornamenting.
Making you helpless.
Hitch, weave, cinch, tension, turn.
Beautiful, and beautiful.
Helpless but held.
Tied
I am not Japanese.
I am not Japanese.
I did not grow up in Japan. I do not have the cultural frame of reference of someone Japanese. I do not speak Japanese very well.
That may seem obvious but it's a relevant point because, I love Japanese bondage, I find it heart achingly beautiful. But when I do bondage it is a western person doing it.
Despite the appearance of some of my bondage, it isn't done by someone Japanese, with a Japanese spirit or with any of the any other of the myriad cues, associations and references that make up a Japanese perspective on bondage.
So what does this mean for my bondage?
Well everything and nothing really. Much as I would like to understand, or may study I will never truly have a Japanese mind set. I don't however believe that this means less for my feeling for bondage. It does not diminish my delight in it or my passion to tie. With a partner who has grown up in a western culture their bondage experience and the feelings that they experience when being bound must be different to that of a Japanese person but that does not diminish the experience for them. It means that the experience is different but not, I think less.
Japanese bondage has taught, continues to teach and, I sincerely hope will always have much to teach me.
It's my intention to continue learning and developing my bondage. I'll continue to enjoy my bondage, use Japanese names for Japanese ties where I know them.
Does it matter that I'm not Japanese? No, not really. It's important to remember that my background colours the way I see things and has an effect on my perception and feelings for and from bondage but does not mean the feelings are less or any less valid. It doesn't mean my appreciation for the beauty of Japanese bondage is less, it does mean that it's different.
I am passionate about bondage. I am committed to improving my bondage. I gain great satisfaction from bondage and even more from the affect on my partners. I gain great joy and satisfaction from the intimacy and connection in bondage.
Keepsakes
Today when clearing out the items of life past and the residue of those now gone. I thought about the nature of keepsakes.
These keepsakes are only physical things, they are not the person and cannot connect us to them more strongly than our memories of them.
So why do we hold so strongly to these things? We do not, we hold to that which was of them. Because it is them that we value and wish to find an expression of them still in the physical world.
These things are not precious, our memories of those we loved are.
The myth of the myth of Japanese bondge
One of the oddest things I've become aware of regarding Japanese bondage is the tendency in some quarters to want people to believe that Japanese masters of rope promote some kind of myth surrounding the practice of their bondage. They seem to suggest that there's some conspiracy to create the notion of some super hidden inner mystic knowledge about Japanese rope work.
This seems very strange to me as, of the actual Japanese practitioners that I've had the fortune to meet, perform, teach with, talk to, or otherwise communicate with... not one of them has ever suggested or hinted at any such thing. In fact they all communicate that hard work study and lots and lots of practice is the route to improvement.
I'm perfectly prepared to believe that there will be some who don't want to teach all they know or keep some techniques to themselves but that's hardly the same thing. So... where does this idea come from? I can think of a couple of possibilities for it.
People who can't see the path between their clumsy efforts to the apparently almost effortless execution of a real expert or can't face the amount of straight forward hard work they'd need to do. Perhaps they want to believe that there's some mystical short cut that will take them "from zero to hero" without all that tedious learning and practice. Then of course it's not their fault they can't do so well, not laziness or whatever, it's because some vital secret that if only they knew it would make all the difference.
On the other hand the myth that people have created a false myth is a useful tool to those that wish to devalue something. OK that sentence doesn't read very well but you get the idea. If you can point to something saying look it's just a myth at the heart of it it's very easy to dismiss the whole thing as containing nothing of value. It's also very misleading. These straw man arguments are created because it's so much easier to attack the straw man that they created than to deal with having to produce a real argument.
As I say those are just a couple of possibilities. Maybe it's just because of the former scarcity of information. Nature abhors a vacuum and it's easy to believe that people will fill the void with things they've just made up. Or even that they pretend to know something you don't but that it's a super hidden inner mystic knowledge that you'll only ever learn when you're worth or some other cock and a bull line.
Whatever the reason the myth of the myth of Japanese bondage doesn't really serve anyone except to mislead and the motivations for that aren't worthy whatever their origin.
To be honest with you, I don't see how this could be any kind of a benefit to anyone except those that have some personal agenda to push.
I can't see for instance how those that are really interested would benefit from being initially mislead and then finding out that they'd been mislead. I think that would be discouraging rather than encouraging.
There is without any false myth of super hidden inner mystic knowledge a real mystery and magic. The mystery is of what you don't know yet. The magic is of discovery.
If these sound mundane then I'm sorry, but I have always loved the 'magic' of learning, the moments of discovery, and the reward of hard work. Because then you did it. It's not magic, and it's your own achievement.