Luck, self awareness, responsibility & rope bondage injuries
This article is one of those that you wish didn't need to be written about. However here I am writing it anyway.
So what is is that I'm going to write about here that I wish I wasn't? Rope inflicted injuries!
Rope isn't safe, especially not suspension. However having said that it doesn't mean that we should accept injuries as a matter of course, they should be few and far between. I am horrified when people shrug off injuries to models with an 'oh well, these things happen'. Well once in a while maybe. When there are repeated injuries occurring it's time to ask yourself some serious questions.
When it comes to injuries some people are more 'unlucky' than others. Generally the better a rigger is the 'luckier' they tend to get. Bad riggers just tend to have more 'accidents' the more they rig.
Now I would expect someone who has inflicted multiple injuries to stop rigging so much, to go and look at the common themes in these injuries, to work very hard to stop them occurring again. What I'm horrified to hear is 'well these things happen'. Yeh, they happen to you don't they? Can we guess why?
When it happens to multiple models in multiple sessions you have to look for the factor that's common to all the injuries. And that common factor is likely to be the person tying. In all the tying I've done, all the models, all the time, all the suspensions I've had 3 nerve injuries. Two of those I've identified the cause and can ensure that they won't happen again. One I simply have no concrete idea, I've spoken to medical professionals, never had the same problem with other models and just can't pin it down and believe me I've tried. Given all that I still feel that it's too many injuries. I'd like to not have another one. I know that the possibility is always there, it's a risk that has to be recognised and born for what we do. It's not one to be taken on lightly either.
So, what about someone that's causing injuries as a matter of course? Who shrugs it off, oh it was 'unlucky', a 'peculiarity' of the model, just 'one of those things'? It's not just one of those things if it keeps happening. If it keeps happening then something is wrong. And that thing... is you!
Please, please, if you keep having 'accidents' like this be grown up enough to realise that it's not in fact 'unlucky' it's bad rigging. And if you're not up to owning this and doing something about it then you are a bad rigger and should not be trusted to tie up anyone knowing not just that injury is possible but that it's likely and, knowing that you don't know what you're doing well enough to prevent it happening over and over.
I wish I was not writing this. I wish I did not see this. If it was just one person then maybe I still would not be writing this but as I see again and again that there are those so arrogant and wilfully self deluded that they will put repeated 'accidents' down to anything other than their own incompetence I feel it's better that I do for all the slim hope I have that it might do some good.
Qualified?
There have been some posts recently on the subject of qualified or competent teachers, codes of conduct etc. Will there ever be an accepted code of conduct for bondage teachers? A qualification? I really don't know.
There are some recognised methods taught, notably Osada Ryu which is taught in Japan, Australia and Europe. This is a method from a single teacher, will it spread, become widely accepted? I don't know. It has things to be said for it, it has accredited teachers, you can I think be assured of quality, but then it isn't for everyone. Will bondage ever head down the route of having specified, defined systems? Again I don't know.
Are defined methods even desirable? I think both yes and no. Useful for giving people the tools to do good bondage, essential safety knowledge etc. but beyond a certain point of competence perhaps not really conducive to creativity. Then again some people love bondage but are not creative and would benefit greatly from defined, well constructed bondage education.
What I do know is that the practical reality of things is that outside of the very small minority people learn from people who are not in any way qualified as bondage teachers. Outside of the confines of single source systems (with one root teacher which are self governing) there are to the best of my knowledge no qualifications as such for teaching bondage. No boards of ratification or governing bodies.
Should there be codes of conduct and governing bodies? That is a question that has answers and arguments from both sides. It is also not a question that I intend to consider here!
So what is this article about?
Once again it's about something that so many things in kink come down to... personal responsibility.
Given the above the point is that seeking someone to learn from, choosing what sources to draw from is also a matter of personal responsibility. You can't say, oh I didn't know he wasn't a very good teacher, he said he was great! And expect that to excuse your mistakes. You are responsible to take care in the choosing of a teacher.
Having said that I should probably give some advice on how to choose a teacher. I'm not going to endorse specific teachers or warn you away from others. I am I hope going to give you a reasonable starting point to help you choose a teacher for yourself. These aren't fool proof and you will have to.... wait for it.... take personal responsibility for the choices that you make. Also most of this applies to people who are actually looking to teach.
So check out their stuff, pictures, videos, if possible you should see them tie in person. It is entirely possible to have very lovely pictures whilst being less than wonderful at bondage, sweet in front but a rats nest at the back, or it looked good but something that should take a few minutes took half an hour etc. Seeing someone tie or failing that video give you a much better idea of how they tie than stills. Remember you're looking to learn bondage not how to do nice pics.
Really, really check them out. I've seen people advertising bondage lessons who were using good rigger's images as advertising material (yes mine included). People who I call vanity teachers that want to make a name for themselves by being a teacher who are driven by ego and are more concerned with how they look to others than the content of their lessons.
Get references. Sometimes people feel awkward with this but really, you're learning skills that could adversely effect someone you care about, feeling a little awkward is a small price to pay. And please get more than one reference, you might catch someone that really loves the person or someone that really hates them, and anyway if they teach there should be plenty of satisfied students more than happy to testify as to their skill. You might want to consider what it means if this turns out not to be the case.
Do they have a reasonable amount of experience? By this I mean at least a few years of actual practical experience rigging an awful lot, certainly enough to have met with and dealt with adversity, bad situations, things not gone quite as they should. Experience is something that comes with time, that is a reasonable few years of time. Saying 'a few' years is unfortunately a generalisation. Some rig for years but show no signs of benefiting from the experience some absorb their lessons quickly. I'd be very wary of someone who was offering to teach without having pretty substantial experience and a body of good work and good reputation backing them up. I personally always sigh and worry for those being taught when I see people who are only just learning themselves offering to teach.
Remember also that there are different strokes for different folks. Someone could have the greatest references in the world but still not be the teacher for you because their style isn't what you want to learn. There are lots of styles of rope bondage, take some time to work out what you want to learn and then find someone that can teach you at least a solid beginning of what you want to learn.
Beware that 'vanity teachers' and the very inexperienced are often one and the same. Often, though sadly not always experience teaches a little humility.
Don't settle for whoever's available locally if they're not the person you would really have chosen. Be prepared to invest in acquiring your skills, even if that investment is just time and travelling or if it costs you money it is your responsibility to learn the best you can, it's your responsibility to the person you're tying. Just before anyone makes a face about that I'll point out that I'm considered pretty good with rope but I am still prepared to travel (internationally if necessary) to keep on learning.
My final thought on this is... please don't half ass it. If you want to learn determine to really do it well and do your rope well. I believe a few hours with someone really good is worth more than many hours with books. You would be amazed how much and how quickly you can learn from the right teacher. So find the right teacher for you. Make sure they know their stuff, can teach you what you need to keep your partner as safe as possible.
Absent mindedness and routine cockups in rope bondage
A friend today made a very good point about when he found things most likely to go wrong in rope bondage. And I absolutely agree with him on this. Often its when you're doing the routine things, the small things, the things you've done a thousand times before.
It's in those moments when you're running on automatic pilot rather than when you're working on something on the edge where you're focused and paying complete attention.
You should be able to do some parts of your bondage completely without thought, you should know what you're doing so well. The mistakes in things you have done a thousand times before happen not because you don't know how to do it but because you are not focused.
It is absence from the moment. It is something unregarded and considered unimportant. All things in rope bondage are important, from the first detail, especially from the first detail.
Those brings me to the main point of this article.
The need to be present in the moment.
Now there is an apparent dichotomy in the concepts that you should know what you're doing so well that you can do it without conscious thought and the idea that you must be present and focused in the moment. This dichotomy is however only apparent. There is a very big difference between having practised things so well that you can do them automatically i.e. that you have developed muscle memory for an action and by contrast, simply not paying attention to what you're doing.
When you are focused in the moment you are paying attention to all things including those things that you do automatically.
Someone under 18 went to a munch and the world ended
A quick warning. This post is about things that have happened on the local scene in England. Similar things may or may not have happened elsewhere, I have no idea or way of knowing.
Before you read this article I would like you to bear the following in mind. I am not advocating that anyone no matter how young should be at kink events. They are I agree in principle for adults. By saying I'm not too worried if someone is a few months short of their majority I am NOT saying 'bring your kids'. Please try, try, try to read what I put and not go crazy at snippets out of context.
And while I'm typing this can I just say... Oh good grief what kind of a world are we living in that I have to put this kind of warning on the top of a blog post?
Well obviously the world didn't really end, another false apocalypse. But people did get themselves rather worked up about it.
Some local munches have decided that they're going to ID people coming to their munches. Yep, you have to prove your age and identity. So if you're not very obviously over the age of majority and you're nervously approaching your first meeting of kinky people you will have to disclose your age and identity to a total stranger. I might be wrong but I think many young people would find that a smidge off putting.
This seems like an amazingly big overreaction to someone a few months short of their majority having been found to have had conversations with people.
And you ARE honestly going to alienate a lot of people if you're going to insist on seeing ID for everyone coming to a munch. Especially nervous people, especially new people. And, it seems to me that those are the people who will most likely be affected.
Will they ask for everyone's or just people they think are young? Will they record this information? In a scene where people are notorious for not wanting to let their real names be known this will, I confidently predict, not be at all popular.
They have no legal right to demand proof of age of course, the pub could, but only if someone wanted alcohol or it was outside of specified (posted) hours. {Obviously this could be different elsewhere in the world} And it would be a different story if it was a private event.
Remember that we're talking about a meeting in a public house, public. The munches locally are public and held in public spaces, not private ones. The munches are public events. It is not despite what some have said illegal for minors to be in a public house. It is illegal to serve or procure alcoholic beverages for them but not for them to be there. Munches are public social events, not play ones.
None of this happily will affect the Nottingham munch or other events being run locally by Clover.
People have also suggested that education events should ask for ID to prove the age of attendees.
OK so here's the thing.
We don't deny sex education to the under 18s why kink education? People can be married and having kids at 16 and they shouldn't be able to learn about kink if they're kinky?
Remember nobody at a demo or lecture is engaging in kink with them. They're there to learn. They're probably new, therefore they're probably the people who can benefit the most from the opportunity.
Now before anyone goes crazy (again) I'm not advocating that we invite young children into kink events of any kind. I'm advocating not overreacting.
Saying that people will not be asked for ID is not saying that any age is encouraged.
So how do you deal with someone that you suspect might be under-age at a munch?
Well how do you deal with someone at a neighbouring table who you suspect is under age and who isn't part of the munch, it's a public event, may well happen.
Do you know what I do I stop talking about kink, or talk in code or move or talk about something else, after all munches are social events and you can be social without talking about kink right?
So how do you deal with it? By acting like a grown up. By exercising judgement, by using your brain. Not by asking everyone for ID, at a munch? Come on, behave like adults.
Just to make doubly sure this point was not missed. People will definitely not be asked for ID at the Nottingham munch (Every 3rd Wednesday of the month), at SinSchool or SubCircle.
Mr Nice.
I am not Mr Nice.
When it comes to teaching I am not.
I do do my best to be Mr Patient, Mr Understanding & Mr Informative. But let's be honest, you, I hope, didn't hire me to be your friend, you hired me to improve your bondage.
Bondage is serious and can be seriously dangerous so I take teaching bondage seriously.
I also take very seriously the responsibility of teaching. If you have a good time in a lesson that's just great, I hope you do. But that is not my goal. My goal is that you go away doing better bondage than you were before the lesson.
If you're making mistakes I'll do my best to be Mr Tactful about it. However I will not be Mr Flattery, I will not deceive you into thinking that you're doing better than you are. Nor will I fill you with a false sense of confidence or accomplishment because I'm not Mr Disingenuous.
I will not teach you beyond your ability, because I am not Mr Irresponsible.
If you are not serious about wanting to learn, do not come to me. There are plenty of teachers who will make you feel good about yourself regardless of your ability. Go to them by all means if that is what you're after. Personally in lessons I'm not trying to be Mr Likeable.
I will not praise that which is not praiseworthy.
I will do my best to improve your rope as much as I am able. I am I hope Mr Conciencious.
I am and can be many people.
But!
I am not Mr Nice.
Rope bondage and transferable skills
One phrase that tends to set my nerves a little on edge is when people say I've done X therefore I'm good at Y.
- I've done sailing; therefore I'm good at rope bondage
(because they both involve rope) - I've done climbing; therefore I'm good at rope bondage
(because they both involve rope) - I've done engineering; therefore I'm good at rope bondage
(because bondage is just engineering) - I've done knife fighting; therefore I'm good at cookery
(because they both involve knives)
1, What this assumes is that... because bondage involves knots being good at knots is the same as being good at bondage. While you do need to be able to tie the odd knot for bondage the majority of the skills that make you good at bondage are not tying knots.
2, This is often quoted when it comes to suspension. What I'll say here is that climbers can have a lot of good knowledge where it comes to equipment and creating secure points to work from. The knowledge is good for that reason and purpose but does not translate into bondage. Climbing has very little to do with binding the human body.
3, While having the kind of mind that can understand engineering aspects it doesn't teach much about binding the human body. Purely technical knowledge has it's place very much so above the suspension point for instance. An engineers knowledge of structure and material properties can be very useful in informing you if a point is likely to be robust enough to hang your suspension point.
4, This one was kind of a joke to make a point about about not assuming that "It involves rope therefore I'm good at bondage" isn't always a valid statement.
Personally I can say that I've climbed, sailed competitively in my youth, have an engineering degree (no I've not been a knife fighter). I have years of practical engineering experience and design experience. However I don't for a second believe that they in any way make me automatically good at rope bondage. Only learning and perusing bondage itself has done that. None of this is saying that these things are not useful or beneficial to know. I always use climbing rated biners and slings for my hanging hard points from beams needs; because I know damn well that they're more than man enough for the job I'm asking them to do. I benefit from my engineering knowledge and experience in judging the strength of beams or in designing suspension frames.
So don't think I'm devaluing this knowledge it is valuable, just remember that it's not bondage knowledge, you're working with a human not just an engineering project. Medical knowledge is also very useful, it's not bondage knowledge in and of itself but it is invaluable in informing your bondage in many ways.
After all you wouldn't apply it the other way, "I'm good at bondage therefore I'm good at mountaineering" or "I'm good at bondage therefore I'm a good sailor" You might well be able to tie off a line but sailing requires you to know other sailing specific things.
The connections between many skills is only peripheral.
I know some people say things like "But they give you general dexterity and rope handling skills, surely that's a help". Yes I agree, rope handling skills and dexterity are very useful. They are however not specifically sailing, climbing, engineering or even cooking specific skills. They are useful to all of the mentioned pursuits but are not skills unique to that pursuit if you follow the meaning. They could have been learned in any of the mentioned pursuits or any one of many more, they could have been learned in isolation, they can be learned in bondage itself. They are if you like baseline human skills that are useful in many fields but not specific to any.
The only real point I want to make is that I actually see people saying in so many words, I'm good at X and therefore will be good at bondage. This is a misconception. They may have some knowledge that's peripherally useful but that doesn't make them automatically good at bondage any more than knife fighters are automatically good chefs.
Newaza with Yukimura Haruki (part 3)
This is the final blog on this experience. All that's left is a few words about the dojo anniversary party on Saturday night.
The Copenhagen shibari dojo is two years old. Our congratulations go to its founders and members.
In a moment.
The night was marked by two performances by members of the dojo and by a tying demonstration by Yukimura Haruki Sensei which used all the techniques taught during the teaching days in the week. A little while later the grand master tied again, and I'm sure that there was not meant to be any kind of show element, however there was an audience.
As the evening progressed a number of people moved onto other events nearby. We however were happy to stay at the dojo and enjoyed the company and some tying of our own.
A final treat of the evening was that grand master Yukimura tied again another two times utilising techniques and ties that were not in the lessons. Having the opportunity to observe these sessions was an education in itself. A great end to a wonderful experience.
We were to leave Copenhagen with nothing but good memories of our time there. Of wonderful people and wonderful lessons learned.
The last mention here must go to clover without whom this trip would not happen. As birthday presents go, this one was something special.
Newaza with Yukimura Haruki (part 2)
What a really good learning experience does is open your mind to new possibilites, possibilities you hadn't suspected before. Further it gives you a way into those new experiences.
One thing that I think is worth emphasising is the tremendous contribution that the interpreters made to this class. In a large part due to the fact that not only were they there because they spoke excellent Japanese but also they were students of Yukimura Sensei and therefore understood what they were translating and could also spot the mistakes that we made during the day. They were very much part of making the day what it was.
The grand master is also known for his calligraphy skills and it was a great surprise to receive this calligraphied board on the day.
Through watching videos of the grand master tying I had some idea of what Yukimura Sensei was about but learning from him showed how easy it is to fail to understand what someone is really doing from just watching. I had thought that a large part of what he was doing was not so to speak 'in the visible range' and that proved to be the case. I shall certainly be re-viewing his videos with new eyes now.
This might be disappointing to some readers but one thing I'm not going to do in this blog or anywhere else is describe Yukinura Sensei's techniques or the content of the lessons. This is his information and method to teach as he chooses and to publish at his discretion. I think that just like the first time I met Osada Steve Sensei the repercussions of this day's learning will spread through all my tying and also that it will take a long time for the full consequence and implications of these lessons to be fully recognised.
Yukimura Sensei seems to have quite a definite on screen persona (I want to qualify that by pointing out that I have definitely not seen everything he's done by a very long way) This is not the case of the man in person. It's quite fascinating to see him turn it on when tying. There's certainly no denying the effectiveness of his techniques. One thing that really struck us was that great emphasis was placed on the both safety and the role of the bottom in a scene. Bottoms were not expected to simply be passive objects to be tied, far from it.
So finally I am very happy to have had this opportunity to learn. This is the first time the grand master has taught outside of Japan. I for one am very happy he did. If even only for one day it was wonderful to have this chance to learn.
Note on language: I don't speak very much Japanese and generally don't gratuitously use Japanese titles, terms etc. unless I know for certain what they mean and mostly if there isn't an appropriate English alternative.
Picky
Recently Clover make a couple of posts on the subjects of being picky about who tied her and about the multi layered requirements of trust which goes beyond simple skill.
I feel that both of these are really about trust. When it comes to trusting your well-being with someone, trusting someone to the extent you can be helpless with them you have an absolute right to be picky.
In fact I'd go so far as to say that if you're not being picky you're not really looking after yourself.
I would urge all rope bottoms to 'be picky' about who ties you up.
I hear people argue that they don't know what's good rope and what isn't. Well, this is a health issue, educate yourself. Being suspended by someone who thinks they're really great right up to the point where it turns out that they only thought they were is a risky business. You don't know if it's good rope work or not? Find out. Learn, arm yourself with the knowledge to protect yourself. Seriously I see so many models work with terrible riggers it's just crazy. I wonder what the level of safety concerned conversation before these shoots was.
Tog: I want to tie you up and then hang you up with washing line.
Mod: Do you know what you're doing?
Tog: Kinda
Mod: OK then.
(the above quoted conversation is a 'joke' and not a real quote, it is used here for the purposes of satire whilst illustrating a point) *
Am I taking crazy pills or did you ought to extend some more concern over your personal safety? Yet clearly some do not take that care as is evidenced by the pictures of said models in the horrendous rope suspensions perpetrated by some photographers.
Learn, protect yourselves. Be Picky!
Resources
* Tog = Photographer Mod = Model
Newaza with Yukimura Haruki
This week we shall (thanks to clover) be going to study newaza with grand master Yukimura Haruki.
I am SO excited to be doing this. It's a wonderful opportunity to learn from one of the very best! It's always exciting for me to have an opportunity to learn so as the date approaches I'm really starting to feel the excitement.
Clover surprised me with this trip for my birthday treat, how cool is that? I'll be blogging about the experience afterwards but for now... how cool is that?