Picky
Recently Clover make a couple of posts on the subjects of being picky about who tied her and about the multi layered requirements of trust which goes beyond simple skill.
I feel that both of these are really about trust. When it comes to trusting your well-being with someone, trusting someone to the extent you can be helpless with them you have an absolute right to be picky.
In fact I'd go so far as to say that if you're not being picky you're not really looking after yourself.
I would urge all rope bottoms to 'be picky' about who ties you up.
I hear people argue that they don't know what's good rope and what isn't. Well, this is a health issue, educate yourself. Being suspended by someone who thinks they're really great right up to the point where it turns out that they only thought they were is a risky business. You don't know if it's good rope work or not? Find out. Learn, arm yourself with the knowledge to protect yourself. Seriously I see so many models work with terrible riggers it's just crazy. I wonder what the level of safety concerned conversation before these shoots was.
Tog: I want to tie you up and then hang you up with washing line.
Mod: Do you know what you're doing?
Tog: Kinda
Mod: OK then.
(the above quoted conversation is a 'joke' and not a real quote, it is used here for the purposes of satire whilst illustrating a point) *
Am I taking crazy pills or did you ought to extend some more concern over your personal safety? Yet clearly some do not take that care as is evidenced by the pictures of said models in the horrendous rope suspensions perpetrated by some photographers.
Learn, protect yourselves. Be Picky!
Resources
* Tog = Photographer Mod = Model
The purpose of great bondage is not to take a photo of it, but to take the person being tied on a journey.
Today I read this post on Facebook by Mark De Viate
The purpose of great bondage is not to take a photo of it, but to take the person being tied on a journey.
I think we too often loose sight.
A great photo by a great photographer is just that.
A great bondage scene is judged best by the participants.
Happy bindings.
If you're familiar with my writings you will know that it's a view I very much agree with. It's always however well worth repeating the point.
I love doing shows, and pictures, they're great to do and a different type of experience. They are though things that we do because we do bondage anyway and the reason that we do bondage is about what it does for us personally.
It's sometimes easy for people to miss this because what people see of what we do is naturally enough the images and the shows. They're going to have to be very lucky to see what we do on a personal level (though some have).
Newaza with Yukimura Haruki
This week we shall (thanks to clover) be going to study newaza with grand master Yukimura Haruki.
I am SO excited to be doing this. It's a wonderful opportunity to learn from one of the very best! It's always exciting for me to have an opportunity to learn so as the date approaches I'm really starting to feel the excitement.
Clover surprised me with this trip for my birthday treat, how cool is that? I'll be blogging about the experience afterwards but for now... how cool is that?
Nemuri Shibari
This is a variation I came up with while wanting a tie that could be done in bed without having to pass rope under the body while the person being tied is lying face down.
I've called this nemui shibari because I happened to know that 眠い(nemui) is the Japanese for sleepy. This may btw. be a terrible name for this but it's what I made up off the top of my head because the tie was thought up while tying someone who was sleepy.
My sincere thanks to Hajime Kinoko san for correcting my Japanese in the naming of this tie.
The first time I taught this tie was at the London festival of the art of Japanese bondage. It's not often that you get to show a tie to the Japanese so I was very happy to be able to do so.
Suspension bondage; that’s where the sexy is?
The way folks like Wykd_Dave, Esinem, Kinoko, Osada Steve and every other person with a good suspension video makes it look, suspension is the way to go... that's where the sexy is.*
Now the above quote while very complimentary reveals something about the common conception of suspension being where it's at for people coming into rope. I am completely into the idea of floor work, I really love it, that IS where the sexy is.
The thing is that the stuff that gets videoed tends to be the shows. And shows are not necessarily representative of what people really do.
And also we as people who do shows are not trying to make it seem like the only way to go, it's only part of the stuff we do, a smaller part. Most of the actual rope play we do is on the floor, in private where mostly we don't seem to have videographers on hand.
I think sometimes people mistake what they see us do for being all that we do.
Aside from myself I do know all the people in that list and every one of us emphasises that the floor work is where it's at for intimacy and the heart of what bondage is all about for us rather than the stuff you see in some shows.
Sexy on the floor, the only flying is the psychological kind.
Why are there lots of discussions about learning suspension and people wanting on-line tutorials, read them, most are about people who want to stampede toward suspension without bothering with floor work, missing out on what it can be and without wanting to make the kind of real effort needed to really get to grips with it.
Personally I think that people who want to skip past floor work to suspension aren't only going the wrong way for all the other reasons I've written about but also because they are missing out. They're bypassing the most satisfying and intimate bondage.
If I had to give up suspensions or floor work I could pick in a heartbeat.
Don't miss out. Get down and dirty on the floor!
It's where the sexy is.
*I want to point out that this quote was lifted from a forum thread that was very strongly pro floorwork. This post isn't about that thread but about how people perceive suspension vs. floorwork and especially where beginners are concerned.
Positivity in the rope community
To be honest a lot of the posts on this blog only exist because of the amazing amount of negativity being generated in the rope scene.
How many people can there be that just can't stand the success of others, that can only make themselves feel big by trying to belittle others?
There is so much going on in the bondage world that is wonderful and creative and pushing the boundaries in a good way. I see the standard rising all over but yet I see people decrying this and that. More good education is available and the general standard is rising. The worse riggers are finally being pushed out because their incompetence is revealed by the generally rising standard. This keeps bottoms more safe and this is a good thing.
There is more information and education for bottoms, this helps them to recognise and avoid the worse rope tops and this is a good thing. I see with great satisfaction people copying education for rope bottoms all around the world. I'm glad that people are catching onto this. It helps to push for a better educated and a better standard of rigger, it helps to push out the incompetent. All this is so much to the good. People have incredibly asked if we mind them reproducing the materials for rope bottoms that we publish for free in multiple languages or use them as part of classes. Why would we mind? The whole point is to increase education for rope bottoms. The whole point it to make good general information available. This information is from a rope bottom for rope bottoms and I'm very pleased to see this information out there. When people copy the idea I am delighted that they want to.
I really feel that things move more and more in a positive direction.
So why are so many discussions complaints, why are so many of my own blog posts triggered by the stupidity of some of those posts or at least the stupidity of the people posting them? Why don't the positive things that actually happen overwhelm the negative people online?
I mean the people being negative and causing arguments tend to be the fart arounds, the fuckwits, the numbskulls, the internet warriors that don't actually make a real contribution.
I just think it's sad that with so much actually improvement, so much actual good education beginning to overhaul the (lets face it lots of) bad stuff out there that there isn't a generally positive atmosphere.
The rope bondage world is expanding, more and more talented people are emerging, the standard is rising, what's to be miserable about, what's to be sour about, what's to gripe about?
It's an amazing new world. Enjoy it! Life really, really is too short for the bullshit.
Suspension being an advanced subject
People sometimes object to suspension being regarded as an advanced subject. I think however that it IS and advanced subject. Not because of the technicality of suspending someone but because of the consequences of suspending someone.
The dangers of bondage are multiplied by suspension. The danger of damage to the person suspended far greater.
The fact that "the mechanical principles aren't hard to grasp" is irrelevant to it being an advanced subject. The need to understand a great many factors, the need to understand the physical consequences, the need to be competent to deal with difficulties, the need to be able to deal with pressure, the need to recognise risk, the need to be able to shoulder a far greater responsibility for someone's welfare, the need to be aware of everything in the moment, the need to be able to read your partners reactions, the need to comprehend all these and more things together simultaneously and make balanced judgements that could effect the rest of someone's life make it an advanced subject.
One of the reasons that I hate people rushing into suspension play is that a great many of the things that make you a competent suspension rigger is experience, and sorry folks but experience only turns up with experience and you can't shot cut that, much as you may wish too.
Some people do learn faster than others, some people acquire experience faster than others, sometimes simply through dedication and having more experiences. It doesn't necessarily take an unreasonable amount of time to acquire experience. However long it takes though it does require a lot of application, effort, and sorry again... hard work.
Being a BDSM mentor
Many people have argued that BDSM mentors only need life experience, but I think that you have to have BDSM experience too. How can you guide someone else when you have very little experience yourself?
Experience is not directly related to age or to being around for a long time. Some people have very small and specific experiences. Some people aren't suited to mentoring despite being round for a very long time.
Without experience how can you mentor another? Without having had the experiences yourself how can you advise another. Without being round long enough to not only know a variety of people with skills and knowledge you don't posses but to also know the character of those people before recommending them as someone to have an experience with to someone you're mentoring.
A certain maturity is also I believe a desirable quality in someone mentoring. This again only comes with experience and not to everyone. Some people never mature. Some people mature early. This isn't related to age but to personality and again to experience. Someone could be 30 and have been around the scene for 10 years, know lots of people, have lots of varied experiences in play and otherwise, have had good and bad relationships, know manners and club protocols and be ideally placed to help someone or 40 and only just come out with no real idea of the people on the scene, no real experience of play or relationships etc.
In this example it is the younger person that would be the most likely to make a good mentor. I was not thinking of people of any specific age when I began this thread.
It is simply my observation that those without much experience are those most likely to be 'mentoring / protecting', regardless of age.
People new to the scene tend to get carried away. We all know this and we were all new once. Over time we all learn. Over time we all gain experience.
However I would wonder about someone being a mentor who does not take into account their own lack of experience when deciding to be one and who goes ahead in that capacity because they are 'flattered to be asked' or just 'because they were asked' or because they think it somehow enhances them to have that on their profile.
Should people very new to the scene be mentoring? In my mind no. Not because they aren't worthwhile people, not because of age, not for any other reason than that without experience of your own I can't see how you can advise others. Experience can only be accumulated with time and... well, experiences good and bad.
Arguments about rope bondage.
This post arose out of some on-line arguing about rope bondage ages ago. I thought there were some worthwhile points about the type of arguments used however so I'm rehashing it here. The main thrust was people trying to justify practices undertaken without full knowledge of the risks with arguments like...
Bondage is dangerous anyway. That's besides the point.
There's a difference between the danger of deliberately and knowingly engaging in a practice with knowledge of the risks and possible consequences and the danger caused by someone not knowing what they're doing. That whole argument is a red herring.
The same applies to models peculiarities. There's a real difference between making an adjustment to a bondage for a specific model because an adjustment is being deliberately made and rope placement varying because the person just doesn't know where they might risk causing harm.
Also the models likes and degree of masochism aren't arguments that apply to something that's done badly. A more masochistic model doesn't mean horrible rope work should pass without comment.
Distinctions between fractional differences in ideas on construction or microscopic differences in placement aren't the issue. I have to believe that it is possible to spot the difference between something that might be subjective or even questionable and a total and monumental horror.
The thing about bad bondage is that you have to be lucky every time in order not to harm someone.
The better the bondage the more you have to be actually unlucky to harm someone.
The notion of 'no harm no foul' isn't valid either.
To suggest that simply because no one was hurt it wasn't bad is not in any way logical. Being lucky not to hurt someone doesn't make the unintentional potential risk the model was exposed to OK in any way shape or form.
The key phrase there is not 'risk' but 'unintentional risk'.
The good, the bad and the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen
You see some terrible attempts at suspension. Many of these suspensions have, fortunately for those involved, not gone wrong. It is devoutly to be hoped for that they wont go wrong. However for as long as nothing goes wrong this bad rigging goes on. The people responsible will point out that nothing went wrong and that the person suspended had a good time.
The fact that nothing went wrong 'this time' didn't make it any less of a bad suspension. It doesn't make it any less likely to go wrong next time. Balancing on the knife edge of disaster and getting away with it isn't a validation of bad bondage.
So... do you want something to go wrong or not?
No of course you don't because the person harmed would be the poor person suspended and not the moronic piece of shit that did the awful suspension.
Now this is something I've really seen so bear with me and you'll understand why I'm making a further post broadly on this subject.
A guy who's been around for a while it seems did a suspension. The rope work was bad and I mean BAD. Sloppily done, poorly placed, badly applied. Notice I didn't use the word 'hurried' there because even though it was awful he took ages. The guy didn't look like he knew what he was doing at all! And yet he was going to do a suspension. So he has one end in a loop of rope that on later examination turned out to be held together with nothing more than a granny knot as his 'hard point'. The safety of this was pointed out to him by me as soon as it was spotted. The girl was in bad pain (not because of the dangerous 'hard point' but because of the awful bondage) but this guy was in no hurry to get her down despite being told how dangerous it was. He did get her down before further action was needed because she became much more 'verbal' about her level of discomfort. She was complaining of pain in her shoulder for the rest of the time she was at the venue.
Did this guy learn anything from this? No of course not, not his fault is it? Just a fluke. On another occasion he's at it again. This time the suspended 'screamed to be let down' the second they went up. His fault? No! He had the wrong rope, the wrong, biners, the wrong ring, the person suspended had, and I quote "The wrong centre of gravity".
Where was I? In the same place but doing a suspension of my own and so not observing him. At that event btw. I told this guy what I thought of his terrible rope work. Just in case you're thinking 'why didn't you confront him then?'.
Anything learned? Nope. I heard tell a couple of weeks later that he'd done a suspension in another club and that the person suspended had 'screamed to be let down' the instant they went up. Wonder if he's learned anything from that? Maybe it was just another unfortunate fluke? Maybe he had the wrong equipment again? Which would be strange as he does have a very nice big and impressive bag of rope, biners etc. with him.
Am I crazy in thinking that someone with his level of talent should maybe consider very carefully if he's got what it takes to be doing suspensions?
I'll tell you what he has got though. He talks a good game. I was doing a suspension with my partner and putting her through a series of transitions. He was giving a running commentary to two young girls about everything I was doing and how he does it better and how I manage the transitions and how he can do it better and how yadda, yadda.
I was giving a girl a suspension experience which she was very much enjoying, so comfortable that she was chatting to her friend about how much fun she was having, no screaming at all. Then this guy starts telling me how he does a suspension just like that (only better) and how I could improve it. This was when I have to say I'd had enough of him and told him exactly what I thought of his suspension etc. The expression "The stupidest thing I've ever seen" may have passed my lips along with expressions such as "utterly horrifying" and possibly "completely incompetent".
OK so the point in the end of this is... Despite evidence such as injured rope bottoms, people screaming, politely having some of their grosser errors and safety mistakes pointed out, people screaming, being told bluntly how bad they are, people screaming. There are some people who keep on talking as though they are bondage geniuses and for all I know believing it. All I can think is that some people are far too stupid to realise how stupid they are.