Luck, self awareness, responsibility & rope bondage injuries
This article is one of those that you wish didn't need to be written about. However here I am writing it anyway.
So what is is that I'm going to write about here that I wish I wasn't? Rope inflicted injuries!
Rope isn't safe, especially not suspension. However having said that it doesn't mean that we should accept injuries as a matter of course, they should be few and far between. I am horrified when people shrug off injuries to models with an 'oh well, these things happen'. Well once in a while maybe. When there are repeated injuries occurring it's time to ask yourself some serious questions.
When it comes to injuries some people are more 'unlucky' than others. Generally the better a rigger is the 'luckier' they tend to get. Bad riggers just tend to have more 'accidents' the more they rig.
Now I would expect someone who has inflicted multiple injuries to stop rigging so much, to go and look at the common themes in these injuries, to work very hard to stop them occurring again. What I'm horrified to hear is 'well these things happen'. Yeh, they happen to you don't they? Can we guess why?
When it happens to multiple models in multiple sessions you have to look for the factor that's common to all the injuries. And that common factor is likely to be the person tying. In all the tying I've done, all the models, all the time, all the suspensions I've had 3 nerve injuries. Two of those I've identified the cause and can ensure that they won't happen again. One I simply have no concrete idea, I've spoken to medical professionals, never had the same problem with other models and just can't pin it down and believe me I've tried. Given all that I still feel that it's too many injuries. I'd like to not have another one. I know that the possibility is always there, it's a risk that has to be recognised and born for what we do. It's not one to be taken on lightly either.
So, what about someone that's causing injuries as a matter of course? Who shrugs it off, oh it was 'unlucky', a 'peculiarity' of the model, just 'one of those things'? It's not just one of those things if it keeps happening. If it keeps happening then something is wrong. And that thing... is you!
Please, please, if you keep having 'accidents' like this be grown up enough to realise that it's not in fact 'unlucky' it's bad rigging. And if you're not up to owning this and doing something about it then you are a bad rigger and should not be trusted to tie up anyone knowing not just that injury is possible but that it's likely and, knowing that you don't know what you're doing well enough to prevent it happening over and over.
I wish I was not writing this. I wish I did not see this. If it was just one person then maybe I still would not be writing this but as I see again and again that there are those so arrogant and wilfully self deluded that they will put repeated 'accidents' down to anything other than their own incompetence I feel it's better that I do for all the slim hope I have that it might do some good.
Qualified?
There have been some posts recently on the subject of qualified or competent teachers, codes of conduct etc. Will there ever be an accepted code of conduct for bondage teachers? A qualification? I really don't know.
There are some recognised methods taught, notably Osada Ryu which is taught in Japan, Australia and Europe. This is a method from a single teacher, will it spread, become widely accepted? I don't know. It has things to be said for it, it has accredited teachers, you can I think be assured of quality, but then it isn't for everyone. Will bondage ever head down the route of having specified, defined systems? Again I don't know.
Are defined methods even desirable? I think both yes and no. Useful for giving people the tools to do good bondage, essential safety knowledge etc. but beyond a certain point of competence perhaps not really conducive to creativity. Then again some people love bondage but are not creative and would benefit greatly from defined, well constructed bondage education.
What I do know is that the practical reality of things is that outside of the very small minority people learn from people who are not in any way qualified as bondage teachers. Outside of the confines of single source systems (with one root teacher which are self governing) there are to the best of my knowledge no qualifications as such for teaching bondage. No boards of ratification or governing bodies.
Should there be codes of conduct and governing bodies? That is a question that has answers and arguments from both sides. It is also not a question that I intend to consider here!
So what is this article about?
Once again it's about something that so many things in kink come down to... personal responsibility.
Given the above the point is that seeking someone to learn from, choosing what sources to draw from is also a matter of personal responsibility. You can't say, oh I didn't know he wasn't a very good teacher, he said he was great! And expect that to excuse your mistakes. You are responsible to take care in the choosing of a teacher.
Having said that I should probably give some advice on how to choose a teacher. I'm not going to endorse specific teachers or warn you away from others. I am I hope going to give you a reasonable starting point to help you choose a teacher for yourself. These aren't fool proof and you will have to.... wait for it.... take personal responsibility for the choices that you make. Also most of this applies to people who are actually looking to teach.
So check out their stuff, pictures, videos, if possible you should see them tie in person. It is entirely possible to have very lovely pictures whilst being less than wonderful at bondage, sweet in front but a rats nest at the back, or it looked good but something that should take a few minutes took half an hour etc. Seeing someone tie or failing that video give you a much better idea of how they tie than stills. Remember you're looking to learn bondage not how to do nice pics.
Really, really check them out. I've seen people advertising bondage lessons who were using good rigger's images as advertising material (yes mine included). People who I call vanity teachers that want to make a name for themselves by being a teacher who are driven by ego and are more concerned with how they look to others than the content of their lessons.
Get references. Sometimes people feel awkward with this but really, you're learning skills that could adversely effect someone you care about, feeling a little awkward is a small price to pay. And please get more than one reference, you might catch someone that really loves the person or someone that really hates them, and anyway if they teach there should be plenty of satisfied students more than happy to testify as to their skill. You might want to consider what it means if this turns out not to be the case.
Do they have a reasonable amount of experience? By this I mean at least a few years of actual practical experience rigging an awful lot, certainly enough to have met with and dealt with adversity, bad situations, things not gone quite as they should. Experience is something that comes with time, that is a reasonable few years of time. Saying 'a few' years is unfortunately a generalisation. Some rig for years but show no signs of benefiting from the experience some absorb their lessons quickly. I'd be very wary of someone who was offering to teach without having pretty substantial experience and a body of good work and good reputation backing them up. I personally always sigh and worry for those being taught when I see people who are only just learning themselves offering to teach.
Remember also that there are different strokes for different folks. Someone could have the greatest references in the world but still not be the teacher for you because their style isn't what you want to learn. There are lots of styles of rope bondage, take some time to work out what you want to learn and then find someone that can teach you at least a solid beginning of what you want to learn.
Beware that 'vanity teachers' and the very inexperienced are often one and the same. Often, though sadly not always experience teaches a little humility.
Don't settle for whoever's available locally if they're not the person you would really have chosen. Be prepared to invest in acquiring your skills, even if that investment is just time and travelling or if it costs you money it is your responsibility to learn the best you can, it's your responsibility to the person you're tying. Just before anyone makes a face about that I'll point out that I'm considered pretty good with rope but I am still prepared to travel (internationally if necessary) to keep on learning.
My final thought on this is... please don't half ass it. If you want to learn determine to really do it well and do your rope well. I believe a few hours with someone really good is worth more than many hours with books. You would be amazed how much and how quickly you can learn from the right teacher. So find the right teacher for you. Make sure they know their stuff, can teach you what you need to keep your partner as safe as possible.
Absent mindedness and routine cockups in rope bondage
A friend today made a very good point about when he found things most likely to go wrong in rope bondage. And I absolutely agree with him on this. Often its when you're doing the routine things, the small things, the things you've done a thousand times before.
It's in those moments when you're running on automatic pilot rather than when you're working on something on the edge where you're focused and paying complete attention.
You should be able to do some parts of your bondage completely without thought, you should know what you're doing so well. The mistakes in things you have done a thousand times before happen not because you don't know how to do it but because you are not focused.
It is absence from the moment. It is something unregarded and considered unimportant. All things in rope bondage are important, from the first detail, especially from the first detail.
Those brings me to the main point of this article.
The need to be present in the moment.
Now there is an apparent dichotomy in the concepts that you should know what you're doing so well that you can do it without conscious thought and the idea that you must be present and focused in the moment. This dichotomy is however only apparent. There is a very big difference between having practised things so well that you can do them automatically i.e. that you have developed muscle memory for an action and by contrast, simply not paying attention to what you're doing.
When you are focused in the moment you are paying attention to all things including those things that you do automatically.
London festival of the art of Japanese bondage (3)(Friday)
We have had a spectacularly good first day at the LFAJB. Meeting old friends has been a major part of the day. And of course new ones.
Great to see Scott Smith again with Serene Chaos, it'll all end in tears if she's good. Was nice to talk with Graydancer a little. We've been at the same events or passed close several times but never really seemed to have the chance to talk properly. One of the first people we saw on arrival at the festival venue was a very tired Kazami Ranki.
It's always nice to see John Murakawa, the man just lives and breathes art and is besides one of the nicest people I know.
We unexpectedly discovered that Zamil and his partner were staying in the same location as us when as we left first thing Zamil entered apparently carrying a crate of apples. We later learned that it actually contained an extensive breakfast.
We were on the bill of performers today along with Kazami Ranki, Nina Russ, Boris Mosafir, Boykitten and 123 Avalon.
I have to say that there was a smashing atmosphere throughout the evening for the performances. The crowd was just wonderful.
I don't know what else to write at the moment. Tired but happy.
To be continued...
Mr Nice.
I am not Mr Nice.
When it comes to teaching I am not.
I do do my best to be Mr Patient, Mr Understanding & Mr Informative. But let's be honest, you, I hope, didn't hire me to be your friend, you hired me to improve your bondage.
Bondage is serious and can be seriously dangerous so I take teaching bondage seriously.
I also take very seriously the responsibility of teaching. If you have a good time in a lesson that's just great, I hope you do. But that is not my goal. My goal is that you go away doing better bondage than you were before the lesson.
If you're making mistakes I'll do my best to be Mr Tactful about it. However I will not be Mr Flattery, I will not deceive you into thinking that you're doing better than you are. Nor will I fill you with a false sense of confidence or accomplishment because I'm not Mr Disingenuous.
I will not teach you beyond your ability, because I am not Mr Irresponsible.
If you are not serious about wanting to learn, do not come to me. There are plenty of teachers who will make you feel good about yourself regardless of your ability. Go to them by all means if that is what you're after. Personally in lessons I'm not trying to be Mr Likeable.
I will not praise that which is not praiseworthy.
I will do my best to improve your rope as much as I am able. I am I hope Mr Conciencious.
I am and can be many people.
But!
I am not Mr Nice.
Rope bondage is boring and slow
(As one or two people have read the first couple of paragraphs of this post and gone bonkers without reading the whole thing in context I'd like to just add this note to recommend that you read the whole thing first.
I wrote this article because people keep insisting on telling myself, my partner, friends that rope bondage is boring and slow. If they find it so then that's up to them. It's their going out of their way to tell someone that does like it that it absolutely just is that I find rude and ignorant. Also their narrow-mindedness and lack of imagination in being unable to accept that it may be a different experience for others.)
Is it? Can't say I've ever noticed that myself.
Slow and boring dynamic suspension during the London festival of the art of Japanese bondage.
I honestly find that rope is as slow or quick as I want it to be. I think that often the reason that some people characterize rope as slow and boring is that they are themselves slow and boring.
Let's face it, without skill or imagination you can make anything boring.
There might be a secondary reason some think that rope is slow and boring. That being that someone has only watched someone slow and boring doing rope, formed their impression and being a person of limited imagination are sticking to that as an absolute. I've no idea why some people are like that but it's clear that some are.
The thing that always beggars belief is the need some people who don't do bondage have to tell other people that they don't like bondage "because it's slow" as if that were some kind of absolute truth. I don't like some kinds of play and feel absolutely zero compunction to tell people what I don't like in casual conversation. Why on earth do they need to do that? To not only be ignorant but to demonstrate their ignorance? Do they really think that people will not notice that reality doesn't match up with what they say? Do they think that you'll say 'oh wow, you're right, this thing that I really like, really is slow and boring just like you're telling me'?
One of the side thoughts that comes to me from this is the apparently automatic assumption that slow = boring. Why?
Most of the time I want sessions to last want to draw out the feeling of tying. It's not just something to be gotten out of the way. Is all your kink something to be gotten out of the way? The faster something can be done the better the kink? Well if that's what you're like with your play and sensual life that's up to you. If not, if you think that some things are worth taking your time over... well what's your point?
I think that again this can be the result of failing to see the possibilities. Some seem to see bondage only as an means to an end something to be done before kink rather than being a kink and therefore cannot see beyond their preconception. There's nothing wrong with using bondage as a means to an end but that's not the same as being unable to see that it can be more than a means to an end.
Further snooze inducing rope bondage activity.
Rope bondage can indeed be quick and utilitarian. It can take seconds... or it can take hours if you choose. One of its great strengths is that it is so flexible. Rope is infinitely flexible but you need to acquire skills to make use of that flexibility.
Once you have the skills you can make rope anything from sensual to extremely torturous. Extremely quick to indefinitely drawn out. The choice becomes yours.
Slow and boring?
If you know what you're doing you can make it slow and interesting............ and hot and sensual and nasty and loving and painful and...
Things kept within
Sometimes things are a bit too precious to brag about.
I've received some wonderful compliments from some awesome people and yet I can't really bring myself to share them.
I think that this is one of the reasons I am so bad at self publicity. I just can't, I can't really explain it. Recently I blogged about the incredible experience we had with Grand Master Yukimura Haruki and posted a picture of us receiving the wonderful surprise of a hand calligraphied board after a day learning with him and I feel kind of a show off for posting that. But I can't help it. An amazing time and such a wonderful happy memory. I was so happy to be there. And so many thanks to clover without whom we wouldn't have been there. And to Max at the Copenhagen shibari dojo without who's tireless efforts that week would not have happened at all.
I don't know why it is but I feel like... these things are for having, for holding within and that using them to say "hey look at me!" would tarnish them and reduce their value to me.
Somewhere buried deep inside is the seemingly unmovable thought that if I'm good enough my work will stand on its own merits. There is also something that wants to keep these wonderful moments within. To know that they're there. To be warmed by that and to feel that I have not disrespected the kindness of someone I respect.
I do what I do because I love it. I've certainly never made a profit from any venture in rope. No actually that's wrong. I've profited a lot. I've made great friends, I've visited places I never would have gone, done things I never would have had the chance to do.
I've gone places I've come to love, with someone I love and done stuff that I loved, and made new friends we love.
Truly great masters of this art have said things that nearly made my head explode, and I don't even know what to say about that.
I feel that some of those things should live within.
Rope bondage and transferable skills
One phrase that tends to set my nerves a little on edge is when people say I've done X therefore I'm good at Y.
- I've done sailing; therefore I'm good at rope bondage
(because they both involve rope) - I've done climbing; therefore I'm good at rope bondage
(because they both involve rope) - I've done engineering; therefore I'm good at rope bondage
(because bondage is just engineering) - I've done knife fighting; therefore I'm good at cookery
(because they both involve knives)
1, What this assumes is that... because bondage involves knots being good at knots is the same as being good at bondage. While you do need to be able to tie the odd knot for bondage the majority of the skills that make you good at bondage are not tying knots.
2, This is often quoted when it comes to suspension. What I'll say here is that climbers can have a lot of good knowledge where it comes to equipment and creating secure points to work from. The knowledge is good for that reason and purpose but does not translate into bondage. Climbing has very little to do with binding the human body.
3, While having the kind of mind that can understand engineering aspects it doesn't teach much about binding the human body. Purely technical knowledge has it's place very much so above the suspension point for instance. An engineers knowledge of structure and material properties can be very useful in informing you if a point is likely to be robust enough to hang your suspension point.
4, This one was kind of a joke to make a point about about not assuming that "It involves rope therefore I'm good at bondage" isn't always a valid statement.
Personally I can say that I've climbed, sailed competitively in my youth, have an engineering degree (no I've not been a knife fighter). I have years of practical engineering experience and design experience. However I don't for a second believe that they in any way make me automatically good at rope bondage. Only learning and perusing bondage itself has done that. None of this is saying that these things are not useful or beneficial to know. I always use climbing rated biners and slings for my hanging hard points from beams needs; because I know damn well that they're more than man enough for the job I'm asking them to do. I benefit from my engineering knowledge and experience in judging the strength of beams or in designing suspension frames.
So don't think I'm devaluing this knowledge it is valuable, just remember that it's not bondage knowledge, you're working with a human not just an engineering project. Medical knowledge is also very useful, it's not bondage knowledge in and of itself but it is invaluable in informing your bondage in many ways.
After all you wouldn't apply it the other way, "I'm good at bondage therefore I'm good at mountaineering" or "I'm good at bondage therefore I'm a good sailor" You might well be able to tie off a line but sailing requires you to know other sailing specific things.
The connections between many skills is only peripheral.
I know some people say things like "But they give you general dexterity and rope handling skills, surely that's a help". Yes I agree, rope handling skills and dexterity are very useful. They are however not specifically sailing, climbing, engineering or even cooking specific skills. They are useful to all of the mentioned pursuits but are not skills unique to that pursuit if you follow the meaning. They could have been learned in any of the mentioned pursuits or any one of many more, they could have been learned in isolation, they can be learned in bondage itself. They are if you like baseline human skills that are useful in many fields but not specific to any.
The only real point I want to make is that I actually see people saying in so many words, I'm good at X and therefore will be good at bondage. This is a misconception. They may have some knowledge that's peripherally useful but that doesn't make them automatically good at bondage any more than knife fighters are automatically good chefs.
Newaza with Yukimura Haruki (part 3)
This is the final blog on this experience. All that's left is a few words about the dojo anniversary party on Saturday night.
The Copenhagen shibari dojo is two years old. Our congratulations go to its founders and members.
In a moment.
The night was marked by two performances by members of the dojo and by a tying demonstration by Yukimura Haruki Sensei which used all the techniques taught during the teaching days in the week. A little while later the grand master tied again, and I'm sure that there was not meant to be any kind of show element, however there was an audience.
As the evening progressed a number of people moved onto other events nearby. We however were happy to stay at the dojo and enjoyed the company and some tying of our own.
A final treat of the evening was that grand master Yukimura tied again another two times utilising techniques and ties that were not in the lessons. Having the opportunity to observe these sessions was an education in itself. A great end to a wonderful experience.
We were to leave Copenhagen with nothing but good memories of our time there. Of wonderful people and wonderful lessons learned.
The last mention here must go to clover without whom this trip would not happen. As birthday presents go, this one was something special.
Still learning rope work? Naturally!
As a wonderful opportunity approaches to learn with Yukimura Haruki I can't help thinking about learning itself and what an exciting thing it is for me. An opportunity to learn, to move forward, to benefit from the experience of someone who has so much experience, has done so much and earned such respect. I'm excited in a way I can't explain. I am so looking forward to it.
But wait a moment you teach all over the world, perform all over the world. And you're going for lessons?
Absolutely I'm going for lessons. This guy has so much experience, is so good at what he does that learning from him makes absolute sense. If I can reap the benefit of only a fraction of that experience and knowledge then I can leap forward past years of work coming to my own conclusions, conclusions I may never have concluded. Lessons I may never have sumbled upon.
Learning is never finished there is always something you can learn, there are always people who's experience and perspective can give you something new.
I hope that in 20 years from now I'm feeling this way and saying "I'm off to have a session with..."