I can’t help thinking that there is a duality in humanity between the ‘civilised’ lives we lead and the primal urges lurking beneath the surface. I think that this duality of humanity is of great relevance and interest in terms of BDSM where we create a framework within which we can exploit, play with and enjoy our fundamental desires consensually.
Typically we build sophisticated structures to exploit and extract these urges. We use language, visual imagery, clothing, even technology to enhance the experience. Often something ritualistic surrounds these practices.
I think that as humans we can’t help but use, or if you like pervert the practices of everyday modern life into instruments of pleasure and pleasurable pain. A massager is turned into vibrating genital stimulator, cooking implements into impact toys, and of course, rope into an instrument of bondage and domination.
With every advance in technology comes an advance in human pleasure, Tesla coils power violet wands originally intended for health purposes for electrical stimulation and torture. Tens units invented for muscular rehabilitation for the torture of the helpless twitching ‘victim’.
All this to serve our most base instincts. And yet this is not a runaway process. We do not generally let ourselves run over into actual abuse. We require consent, even for the theoretically non-consensual aspects of our play. Sometimes this sounds convoluted and illogical. And yet we cannot deny that this is the case.
This then is the duality that causes a struggle. Our evolution makes us a tool using, reasoning, social creature but also we remain the animal, the primal lust filled beast.
Perhaps it’s a wonderful achievement is the satisfaction of both of these in kink. We control our primal lusts, fencing them around with ritual and social custom even where the normal social customs did not reach. We make our partners satisfaction part of the satisfaction or our own by seeking out complimentary partners. In the triumph of our social selves, the control of the primal, and yet the satisfaction of it too without descending into abuse we find again that which is unique about humanity.
I think that this makes us more human not less.
For every reason and for no reason.
Because there can be no possible state of, not tying.
Because I have to!
Time and time again I see people who aren't all that good at bondage bemoaning the cost of learning, particularly suspension. Inevitably at some point people will list the names of supposed self taught riggers, extolling the virtues of 'trial and error' approach for those that don't want to learn from someone experienced or who claim that it's impossibly expensive.
As I have 'views' on this subject I hope you will forgive me for speaking frankly about trial and error as a valid approach for someone learning suspension.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Sure you can learn by 'trial and error' if you don't mind the consequences of the error part. And let's remember folks that the consequences of this error are felt by the bottom and not by the top who thinks it's a good idea to learn by seeing how they get hurt instead of learning from the experience of others. I'm sure they don't mind at all that it was perhaps a common mistake, one that's been made lots of times before, hurt lots of people before but is so very easily avoidable if only there was some way to learn from other peoples mistakes. If only eh?
Hmmm now I come to think of it... oh but we don't believe in that do we, we believe in 'trial and error' which in many cases means 'repeating avoidable mistakes' and learning from them going wrong. Am I taking crazy pills or is that a stupid and irresponsible way of endangering your partner?
If you're going to suspend someone you have a responsibility to learn all you can to keep that person safe. You really, really do. You do NOT get to say "I can't afford to learn but I'm going to try it anyway".
Really? I mean, do you do that with other things? "Oh I can't afford to get driving lessons but I'm going to take this car out on the freeway and learn by trial and error ". You know what? I want to see you try that one on the cops and see how it flies; and speaking of flying...
Unbelievable though it may seem suspending someone is a real and serious responsibility. Their life and well being is really in your hands when you try this stuff. So....
If you can't get to the point where you know what you're doing, can't afford lessons, can't find the information, don't have someone to teach you, don't have the skill... Don't fucking do it! Just don't, no matter how entitled you feel, no matter how aggrieved at life you feel, no matter how much you resent anything costing you money, no matter what!
If you aren't competent to drive don't go on the freeway!
If you aren't competent to suspend, don't suspend!
There once was a time...
There once was a time when people didn't have access to either the information or the teaching they do now, when people could genuinely say there was nobody to learn from and when they had to work things out for themselves. Well folks, those times are over and the example of those people isn't an argument any more. You know why? Because most of those people became teachers, and so you can now learn from them without having to repeat their mistakes, isn't that cool? And wouldn't that be cool for the rope bottom too?