What we do changes who we are.
What we do changes who we are, we are made of our memories and our experiences. When we engage in an activity or a course of action the experience of that, the memory the sensations becomes part of us. The person we are after the experience is therefore a different one to the person before the experience.
Sometimes I wonder if taking pleasure in self gratifying activities makes a person more selfish but finding gratification in the giving and sharing of pleasure makes us more sharing and selfless, at least in the some areas of activity.
It is said that people don't change, but I do not believe this. I believe that we change all through our lives to a greater or lessor extent. How much we change and in what direction I think we can, at least to some extent consciously direct.
You can decide to take a selfish path or a less selfish one. You can decide to learn or to remain in ignorance. You can decide to admit your faults and repair them or you can deny them and remain as you are. You can admit when you are wrong and learn or you can twist and rage afraid of admitting your mistake. I think many decisions to take the more destructive path are born of fear and insecurity. A fear of becoming somehow less for admitting weakness or error when in truth you cannot grow, become stronger or learn without accepting and then repairing your weakness or accepting new learning.
Perhaps it is strange that the practice of bondage, the desire to be open and connected with my partner has lead me to examine these issues over the years and to wish to learn, grow, understand, not only myself but my partner in ways that lead to a richer interaction. Or perhaps it is not. Perhaps it is the decision to pursue this path has lead me to this. What I have done has changed who I am.
This can go wrong.
The unexpected can effect us all... unexpectedly. Many people say to expect the unexpected. With respect to rope bondage and suspension the number things that could go wrong is large but finite we therefore can be prepared for the majority of likely happenings.
One thing that occurs to me is that there is a difference between knowing what to do about something and coping with something in the heat of the moment. It's something you will only ever find out when it happens.
When it comes to something going unexpectedly wrong, overconfidence and arrogance are the enemies of preparedness, the assumption that something will not go wrong for you. This can lead to ill preparedness and inattention.
Be aware of the risks, consider carefully if you are willing to accept responsibility for something going seriously wrong.
It's my opinion that you should always be aware that..
This can go wrong and have very real and serious consequences.
The dangers of what you are doing should be present in your mind.
Doing suspension bondage always carries risks, people sometimes talk of risk free and having methods that are less risky but there is no such thing as risk free and it's always, regardless of method more risky than not doing it. It is always a risk. It should be a calculated risk that you enter into knowingly and consentingly and with a grasp of the possible consequences and with a preparedness to accept the unhappy consequences of a mistake or failure. This cannot happen if you are not aware of the risks, it cannot be done responsibly without knowledge of how to deal with the possible problems, it cannot be done consentingly without both parties knowing the possible consequences and making an informed decision to enter into the activity.
I have seen people say that suspension is not an advanced skill, that it's easy and can be done safely with minimal knowledge. I cannot help but see these people as fools. You are literally hanging someone's life on your rope and your partner is quite literally trusting you with their life and well-being. This is not something to be casually regarded as a basic skill. You are by engaging in this act accepting responsibility for that persons life, safety and well-being. Be aware of that fact.
There are no getouts and no letoffs. It is absolutely incumbent upon you to know your business and to take that business and your responsibility seriously.
Restrained elegance
I had the pleasure recently of working for a rather different type of bondage site, Restrained Elegance we were shooting for two days at their studio.
I have to say that they were great to work for and spending two days tying up a model like Ariel Anderssen wasn't any kind of a hardship and sometimes you have to ask yourself, "Do I really get paid to do this?", the answer is yes, yes I do!
I'm really looking forward to seeing the results of this shoot. I think some images will make it into their free section so I'll post a link when they're published.
I don't think people realise how hard a bondage model can work sometimes. Ariel was tied many times over the two days in various positions including some suspensions and had some considerable rope marks by the end of it. She really is a superb model to work with and I sincerely recommend that serious photographers take a look at hiring this superb professional.
One think I want to mention is the tremendous hospitality shown to me on this shoot. The whole experience of working with them was a pleasure.
I suppose I could recount all the ties but my description wouldn't do justice to the model or the photography so you would be better served to check out the images when they're published.
Does your work speak for you?
Does your work speak for you?
I'm connected to my work, it's a part of me, it comes out of me and so I cannot help it being part of me, speaking for part of me, expressing part of me.
However it's not all of me and only connects to some aspects of my 'self'.
They are aspects that I think are important. At least they seem so to me so in this context they are.
If your work doesn't speak at least 'of you' and to some extent 'for you' then maybe you're not doing what you should.
Does my work speak for me?
Yes of course, how could it not?
Badly copied bondage
It's an unfortunate problem that sometimes people copy your bondage badly. Not just that it looks bad but that the person copying something they have seen is copying it without understanding it.
The above is particularly worrying when applied to suspension bondage. Some people seem not to get this but, suspension bondage is dangerous if you get it wrong! Honestly it really is.
I find that the problem of bad copiests particularly effects me when I see pictures of bondage or in some cases hear tell of bondage that is bad, dangerous etc. done by people that I know have seen me rigging. I should not feel this but sometimes I cannot help but feel that I see poor, badly implemented or just plain wrong imitations of things I have done either at a shoot or workshop or demonstration. Did they think that it looked easy therefore it would be easy?
What to do? Nothing unfortunately I have absolutely no desire or right to be some kind of bondage policeman. I don't want to spend my time arguing people out of their decisions. At the end of the day they're adults and responsible for their own actions. But! Should you leave these people to their own mistakes? Unfortunately you have to. You cannot babysit the world, you cannot forcibly educate those that will not learn.
What bothers me is that in the case of bad rigging it is the trusting bound who is going to suffer the consequences of bad bondage not the unskilled rigger.
Many times it seems to me that people are relatively new to rope bondage and see what they perceive to be "cool suspensions" and want to be doing them. Well there's nothing wrong with wanting to do suspensions. What's wrong is when they do suspensions without grasping the basics and getting a firm grip on them first. What's wrong is when they do suspensions without a firm grasp of the consequences of getting it wrong!
Everyone has something go wrong sometime. I've had things go wrong. Regardless of knowledge of bondage, anatomy, experience and however many successful suspensions. Regardless of all I've learned in order to try and reduce the risk of something going wrong it happens. Suspension bondage is risky and it is incumbent on those who do it to be as well prepared as possible.
Now in the light of that statement consider how much more likely it is for something to go wrong with someone who isn't as well prepared. Who doesn't fully understand the risks. Who's technique and skills are at the rudimentary level. People who aren't experienced or knowledgeable to the point where they should be attempting suspension bondage. And I don't just mean the risks of instant damage. Nerve damage problems can be cumulative. Bad placement of ropes can cause problems that aren't immediately obvious and by the time they do become obvious it's too late.
Tied
Running it through my hands,
feeling its texture.
Not looking at it.
Looking at you.
Images run through my mind,
how you will look,
what I will do.
Laying it on your skin,
binding,
restricting,
ornamenting.
Making you helpless.
Hitch, weave, cinch, tension, turn.
Beautiful, and beautiful.
Helpless but held.
Tied
I am not Japanese.
I am not Japanese.
I did not grow up in Japan. I do not have the cultural frame of reference of someone Japanese. I do not speak Japanese very well.
That may seem obvious but it's a relevant point because, I love Japanese bondage, I find it heart achingly beautiful. But when I do bondage it is a western person doing it.
Despite the appearance of some of my bondage, it isn't done by someone Japanese, with a Japanese spirit or with any of the any other of the myriad cues, associations and references that make up a Japanese perspective on bondage.
So what does this mean for my bondage?
Well everything and nothing really. Much as I would like to understand, or may study I will never truly have a Japanese mind set. I don't however believe that this means less for my feeling for bondage. It does not diminish my delight in it or my passion to tie. With a partner who has grown up in a western culture their bondage experience and the feelings that they experience when being bound must be different to that of a Japanese person but that does not diminish the experience for them. It means that the experience is different but not, I think less.
Japanese bondage has taught, continues to teach and, I sincerely hope will always have much to teach me.
It's my intention to continue learning and developing my bondage. I'll continue to enjoy my bondage, use Japanese names for Japanese ties where I know them.
Does it matter that I'm not Japanese? No, not really. It's important to remember that my background colours the way I see things and has an effect on my perception and feelings for and from bondage but does not mean the feelings are less or any less valid. It doesn't mean my appreciation for the beauty of Japanese bondage is less, it does mean that it's different.
I am passionate about bondage. I am committed to improving my bondage. I gain great satisfaction from bondage and even more from the affect on my partners. I gain great joy and satisfaction from the intimacy and connection in bondage.
Keepsakes
Today when clearing out the items of life past and the residue of those now gone. I thought about the nature of keepsakes.
These keepsakes are only physical things, they are not the person and cannot connect us to them more strongly than our memories of them.
So why do we hold so strongly to these things? We do not, we hold to that which was of them. Because it is them that we value and wish to find an expression of them still in the physical world.
These things are not precious, our memories of those we loved are.
The myth of the myth of Japanese bondge
One of the oddest things I've become aware of regarding Japanese bondage is the tendency in some quarters to want people to believe that Japanese masters of rope promote some kind of myth surrounding the practice of their bondage. They seem to suggest that there's some conspiracy to create the notion of some super hidden inner mystic knowledge about Japanese rope work.
This seems very strange to me as, of the actual Japanese practitioners that I've had the fortune to meet, perform, teach with, talk to, or otherwise communicate with... not one of them has ever suggested or hinted at any such thing. In fact they all communicate that hard work study and lots and lots of practice is the route to improvement.
I'm perfectly prepared to believe that there will be some who don't want to teach all they know or keep some techniques to themselves but that's hardly the same thing. So... where does this idea come from? I can think of a couple of possibilities for it.
People who can't see the path between their clumsy efforts to the apparently almost effortless execution of a real expert or can't face the amount of straight forward hard work they'd need to do. Perhaps they want to believe that there's some mystical short cut that will take them "from zero to hero" without all that tedious learning and practice. Then of course it's not their fault they can't do so well, not laziness or whatever, it's because some vital secret that if only they knew it would make all the difference.
On the other hand the myth that people have created a false myth is a useful tool to those that wish to devalue something. OK that sentence doesn't read very well but you get the idea. If you can point to something saying look it's just a myth at the heart of it it's very easy to dismiss the whole thing as containing nothing of value. It's also very misleading. These straw man arguments are created because it's so much easier to attack the straw man that they created than to deal with having to produce a real argument.
As I say those are just a couple of possibilities. Maybe it's just because of the former scarcity of information. Nature abhors a vacuum and it's easy to believe that people will fill the void with things they've just made up. Or even that they pretend to know something you don't but that it's a super hidden inner mystic knowledge that you'll only ever learn when you're worth or some other cock and a bull line.
Whatever the reason the myth of the myth of Japanese bondage doesn't really serve anyone except to mislead and the motivations for that aren't worthy whatever their origin.
To be honest with you, I don't see how this could be any kind of a benefit to anyone except those that have some personal agenda to push.
I can't see for instance how those that are really interested would benefit from being initially mislead and then finding out that they'd been mislead. I think that would be discouraging rather than encouraging.
There is without any false myth of super hidden inner mystic knowledge a real mystery and magic. The mystery is of what you don't know yet. The magic is of discovery.
If these sound mundane then I'm sorry, but I have always loved the 'magic' of learning, the moments of discovery, and the reward of hard work. Because then you did it. It's not magic, and it's your own achievement.
Looking back at the London festival performance.
I have to say that I'm not normally nervous performing. I really look forward to it and the rush of doing bondage with clover on stage.
London was the first time I've really felt anything other than excited. Nervous is probably not the right word though. Certainly feeling an edge that I hadn't before though.
I pretty much put this down to the people I knew would be watching. Osada Steve, Hajime Kinoko, Kazami Ranki etc. from Japan, friends like Esinem, Murakawa etc. from the UK.
We had no concrete plan for the performance, just an idea about how to start and a rough idea of the finish. Everything in between being done on the fly. I think wracking is a good word for it. It wasn't flawless but we got through.
Once it was finished I can't describe the feelings. Everyone was very kind in their comments. Kinoko describing it as "Very sadistic" and "Hot" was so great. Learning via interpreter that Kazami Ranki liked the performance was another incredible thrill. And finally Osada Steve liking the show and very generously giving me a few tips to improve on the final day was a great bonus for us. He also praised Clover very much as a model and commented on her strength. She makes me very proud.
Here's a video of the performance.