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Our friend in America

A freind in America is unfortunately very ill at the moment and what with the American health system and being unable to work with such a serious condition he's not in the best shape to cope with this financially. The following is what he and his closest friends have written about his condition. I'm reproducing it here for my subscribers to see and linking to a gofundme where you can make a contribution if you are so moved. D On Sunday, May 29th, Aeo was admitted into the hospital for cellulitis - one of the fastest spreading cases of cellulitis the hospital staff had ever seen. The infection spread strongly enough that he almost lost his leg. He was given several doses of the strongest antibiotic in the hospital to combat the infection. It worked enough to remove the current need for surgery, but that came with negative effects elsewhere. The strength of the antibiotics began to affect his kidneys. Aeo is finally out of the ICU, but will be remaining in the hospital until his kidneys become stable and the infection in his leg is no longer a threat. We still aren't sure when he'll be able to return home. Unfortunately, we didn't budget for such an expensive emergency to occur in our lives. Due to issues with the Marketplace, he also currently has no medical insurance. We've been working with the hospital social workers to decrease these costs as much as possible, but with a week in the hospital and no definite end in sight, the expenses will still be very high. So many of our friends have already shown incredible support by reaching out to us online or in person. Today, we [...]

By | 2017-03-17T09:57:05+00:00 June 4th, 2016|Categories: Community, Life|0 Comments

No that’s a dickhead problem

I think there are a lot of times when people over think problems. So I though I'd write a general purpose response to some of these points that reoccur a lot. Imagine pretty much any problem where people are coming up with complicated ways to safeguard against bad behaviour. The kind of bad behaviour? Well generally people being dickheads, not respecting people's boundaries, violating consent, just pushing consent, taking stupid risks when performing, etc. etc. See the problem here is that people are being dickheads! Being a dickhead is not a problem that can be solved with policy, procedure or negotiation classes. No matter how much of this you do dickheads are still dickheads and still do the dickhead things they were going to do anyway. Why? All together now, because they're dickheads. It would be nice to be able to live in a perfect world but just in case you hadn't noticed, we don't! Life has dickheads in it, it just does. I'm going to suggest that the only real way to tackle this is for dickheadedness to be unacceptable and to recognise when it's dickheadedness that you're dealing with. For instance if when someone pulls a dickhead move they protest that they didn't know they were meant to act like a grown up intelligent human with actual agency and morals and the ability to know right from wrong and oh, if only they had known X, Y or Z. And you say yes, you're right there does need to be better guidelines or education on being human or procedures to stop you acting like a sociopath, what you are is complicit in their abdication of personal responsibility. How is it possible do you [...]

By | 2017-03-17T09:57:05+00:00 June 17th, 2015|Categories: Life|Tags: , |0 Comments

Little thought on professional associations

There are many well intentioned discussions at the moment about professional associations for riggers and / or models. Many terrible people love to join professional associations because it lends them the seeming of legitimacy without much actual effort in contrast to those that build their own reputation by actually achieving something. Professional associations have their uses for concrete definable professions with real qualifications that can be subjectively determined. i.e. there's a reason why these exist commonly for trades. Also many associations exist to represent their members in some way. If so who runs it and how is it going to be paid for? Or do you want or the kind that only exist to provide information and a nexus of communication for members? Do people mean something like the General Medical Council that can strike of Doctors so they can't practice. If so how do you enforce this? Eventually associations with bad members are devalued and become worthless regardless of any good works due to bad members. People stop trusting it. So you just have to stop bad people joining right? Well how? This has sprung up in the wake of revelations about some well known presenters. So you wouldn't let them in your association right? Why not? Until recently they had as far as many were concerned good reputations. Their turning out to not be the kind of people you'd have wanted associated with your professional association wasn't necessarily predictable. So now you're going to expel them right? How? You're going to have a tribunal with witnesses and a trusted panel of adjudicators who are senior professionals. How do you determine who they should be? Even if you do this and it all works [...]

By | 2017-03-17T09:57:05+00:00 May 30th, 2015|Categories: Bondage, Community, Life|Tags: , , |0 Comments

Top drop, melancholia and coming down.

Recently I saw a post about Top drop or as they described it a 'Rigger's Melancholy' (which is a term I really liked btw.) It caught me at a wrong moment and I posted that yeh, everyone knows about it. I was expecting someone to take issue with the tone of my response or criticise me for ever being exasperated by the endless repetition of the same questions, any display of less than perfect temper or humanity. Something along those lines. I was pretty surprised therefore to see a reply that didn't make any of those reasonable complaints but instead insisted that not everyone had or was aware of this experience.  I will quote the response exactly here so you can see that I'm not making this up. No, WykD_Dave, not everyone already knows about it. The great thing about this group is that we have a wide variety of experiences and skills. I would like to hear positive and constructive information from experts like you about how to recognize top drop coming on and how to deal with the feelings. What most struck me is the assumption that this is some unique experience or out of the ordinary emotion or feeling. You do something emotionally and or physically intense and you have a natural high from it, then you have a low to a greater or lesser extent afterwards. Yes we're all a bit different and have greter or lesser responses and some come down sooner or more steeply than others but surely this is a common human experience though to anyone who's ever done anything intense, euphoric, joyous. To anyone who's triumphed on the sports field, been in love, had great sex, strived [...]

By | 2015-04-20T21:34:56+00:00 April 20th, 2015|Categories: Life|Tags: , , , , , |0 Comments

Cytheria

Recently a former adult performer was the victim of a home invasion and brutal assault. The thing that's really struck me about this is how little this has been in evidence on-line except from her fellow adult performers. For instance those most conspicuous in their outrage on occasions where there is the accusation of rape but no apparent evidence or arrest notably recently in an American university seem for some reason to have not been outraged by this definite incident with evidence and arrests. This reads as a despicable incident and I'm saddened that more people aren't outraged by it outside of the adult work communities. We can all guess why some who hooted so loudly and so condemning with no more evidence than an article in Rolling Stone that turned out to have been badly researched and showed deplorable journalistic standards have just turned their backs when confronted by an actual horrible incident that's truly horrifying with the perpetrators arrested on solid evidence and set to go to trial. This happened her and her whole family. It's horrifying even to contemplate. Again I come back to the thought that the reason that this can happen is that some people think of people as things. To some it appears that this woman is 'a pornstar' rather than a thinking, feeling human being who was brutally assaulted and traumatised. For some it simply doesn't serve their agenda so they ignore real attacks in favour of listen and believe phantasms. The question this all begs is what do people really care about? Do they care about this kind of disgusting violence against a fellow human or are they just concerned with a personal agenda? Cytheria thanks fans [...]

By | 2017-03-17T09:57:05+00:00 March 8th, 2015|Categories: Life|0 Comments

Copy wrong

Filed firmly under the category of really? Again? Had to send some takedown notices again on one site because someone had copped our images, modified them to remove the mark and posted it up on their profile. I issued the usual DMCA takedown and that image was removed. That's pretty much the unfortunate business as usual. What was odd was the message I received from the guy after. What a sad man. Nothing better to do than grassing people up for something that doesn't affect you at all. I liked the pic, never said it was mine. No life. Derp right? What a sad man I must be not letting him just rip off stuff without consequences, nothing better to do than report an idiot that doesn't understand copyright and thinks they're entitled to rip off anything they fancy just because they 'liked the pic'. And how could I possibly think that him ripping off my work, removing even the mark that could have led people back to my work and posting it horribly degraded could possibly affect me? Just ridiculous of me. It was nice of him to admit that he had no rights to the image though. I don't imagine that was his intent but possibly not the sharpest tool in the box. So lastly, 'no life'. Well here's my problem with that. I do very much have a life. A very large part of that life this person so amusingly assumes that I  don't have very obviously involves tying up lots of beautiful women. Part of it even included creating these images that the guy liked so much that he flatteringly posted them with the creators identification edited off. I have so many [...]

By | 2017-03-17T09:57:05+00:00 November 22nd, 2014|Categories: Bondage, Community, Life|Tags: , , , |0 Comments

Rigger

You know I used to say I was a rigger because it was a nice neutral term. But... well people have kind of turned it into a title of sorts and now people start posts with "I'm a rigger!" and it makes me cringe. Not least because I think... You're a rigger (in the titled sense you now mean it) and I think NO you're not, you'd maybe like to think you are but you're someone who maybe once in a while uses rope and it's a far cry from that to someone who can really rig. See if you want to use it like that especially about yourself you'd damn well better be able to do it. And most of you that have latched on to the previously serviceable and unpretentious word and turned it into a title and use it that way are exactly the people that it shouldn't apply to in that way. People seem obsessed with creating titles for themselves. Shut up and do some good rope instead. If you were good you wouldn't need 'titles' for yourself no would you?

By | 2017-03-17T09:57:05+00:00 September 29th, 2014|Categories: Bondage, Life|Tags: , , , |0 Comments

The problem of cellphones in clubs and events

There isn't one! The problem is in people being dickheads. I'll elaborate on that a bit... When people take pictures at events where pictures are not allowed; that's a problem. When people make calls in quiet spaces; that's a problem. When people do anything that they agreed not to do at an event, even without a cellphone; that's a problem. None of these are cellphone problems, but all of them are dickhead problems! Dickhead problems are behavioural problems. Some behavioural problems are due to personality and intellectual problems. To put that last comment into somewhat more prosaic terms. Some people are entitled, self regarding and stupid enough to think "Yeh, but that doesn't apply to me right?". Yes to you! Especially and particularly to you because you are an entitled, self regarding idiot with no regard for the restrictions that you yourself voluntarily agreed to but also with no regard to the rights and perfectly justified expectations of others in the space. Those people have every reasonable expectation that everyone else will give equal regard to those rules and restrictions. People bang on about banning cellphones, confiscating them, deleting media etc. Ban dickheads instead.

By | 2017-03-17T09:57:05+00:00 September 18th, 2014|Categories: Community, Events, Life|Tags: , , |0 Comments

Seeing people

The title of this post is concerned with something that people often do not do. And that is actually see people! By that I mean see the actual person, not what they do, what they look like or how they dress. The actual person themselves! As human beings we have many mental short-cuts that enable us to function as human beings quickly and often without too much thinking. Therein lies the problem. For very good but ultimately socially unhelpful reasons we think in stereotypes. In them and us. In this and that. People are more complicated than that. People exist beyond a surface impression, have deeper lives than their appearance and are more than stereotypes. People are highly advanced social primitives. We're thinking animals. We have the ability to intellectually override our instincts if we so choose. The trouble is that sometimes we don't and we make the mistake of thinking that people are actually those superficial impressions. We are all more than what is on show. Sometimes people only want to see the surface, the simple the easily categorised. It makes life simple and saves them from thinking, from difficult moral decisions, from challenging the easy assumption. It's easy for a lot of people for instance to associate some modes of dress with simple definitions. For instance 'slut' with certain manners of dress and the assumption that goes with that as to someone's character, behaviour and ultimately worth as a human being. You don't have to think very hard to realise that there is more to someone than what they're wearing. Sometimes though it seems that many people can't think very hard at all. What about what you do for a living? People make [...]

By | 2017-03-17T09:57:05+00:00 March 31st, 2014|Categories: Community, Life|Tags: , , |0 Comments