Because it makes my dick hard (why do you tie up girls)

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Because it makes my dick hard (why do you tie up girls)

One thing that you see come up time after time is statements like….

I love rope because of the skill
I love rope because of the artistry
I love rope because of the skill
I love rope because of the symmetry
I love rope because….
Tying up girls makes my **** hard!

Another favourite is “If you have rope in one hand and a hard on in the other you’re doing shibari.”

Those statements, though they are so very obviously jokes, reminders not to take everything too seriously still seem on occasion to be taken as the truth by some individuals. Why would this be? Is it literally true? Could it be? Is anyone really so spectacularly obtuse as not to recognise a bit of Reductio ad absurdum when they see it?

Well if you really do have rope in one hand and your hard on in the other you aren’t going to be able to do very much of anything with someone else, you certainly will not be in a  position to tie them up so, no this isn’t literally true.

Sometimes people seem to interpret it to mean that the other reasons listed are not true. Can that be the case? It’s hard to see how taking pleasure in skill, artistry, connection, beauty etc. etc. aren’t real reasons to enjoy something; they are very real reasons for taking pleasure. Yet some think that the last statement diminishes the others. This clearly isn’t true.

None of this suggests that sexual excitement isn’t just as valid a reason for enjoying bondage as any others, but thinking that this reason invalidates any other reason you might have for enjoying bondage is a false supposition. The supposition that because this is ‘a’ reason, that it’s ‘the’ reason, that the other reasons are some kind of spurious justification for doing the things that result in the last reason.

Given that the people who are generally credited for these utterances are people who have no shame for what they do and feel no need for spurious justifications for their kink this is just a ridiculous thing to think. In fact that’s why the last line comes in like the punchline it is. It’s a joke, a reminder that as well as all the other reasons there are visceral reasons for what we do.

So why did the other lines and reasons come from? Because when kinky people are talking about a specific kink and are asked specifically what they like about that specific kink they will answer with things that they find enjoyable particular to that specific kink beyond the obvious.

There are many reasons to do what we do. Usually many of these reasons are in play at the same time; many not even consciously available. Sometimes people want sound bites, not answers they have to think about. They don’t really want or aren’t able to think beyond a snappy ‘sounds good to me’ slogans.

If people want to reduce the complex reasons and interactions of human motivations to a shallow one line oversimplified slogan then I think that’s quite sad.

By | 2017-03-17T09:57:17+00:00 July 16th, 2012|Categories: Bondage, Life|Tags: , , , |6 Comments

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6 Comments

  1. Steven James July 16, 2012 at 10:01 am

    I hear what you’re saying and it’s a reasonable viewpoint, and one I mostly share.
    Increasingly I try not to think about this because it saddens me greatly. As Kinbaku and the other BDSM related crafts become popular they seem to be increasingly dumbed down.
    Fetlife is becoming more like a vanilla porn site every day, and everyone new seems to wants the easy alternative and the quick fix. No one wants to pay to learn skills and it feels as if asking for payment to teach is becoming a crime.
    I fear the Barbarians are at the gates, and there is nothing we can do to prevent them taking over the city!

    • wykd July 16, 2012 at 10:26 am

      Both yes and no.
      I understand what you’re saying but this is a glib generalization and is really for effect. The effect in this case being that of reminding ourselves that ultimately It’s about sex.

      I don’t say that as a bad or a devaluing thing either. Much of the worlds great art is about sex. Also I see no reason to thing that the sexual and sensual shouldn’t be artistic.
      I hope that anyone that looks at my work would accept that.

      Are the barbarians really at the gate? No more than at any point in history. In fact probably less now than ever before.

      • Steven James July 16, 2012 at 7:36 pm

        Perhaps you are right but with the current Fifty Shades of grey thing going on I’m wondering if we are just seeing the beginnings of a feeding frenzy!

        • wykd July 16, 2012 at 8:03 pm

          Yes and no. Some will look at a passing fad, some people who never would have looked at kink before will find something real and deeply fulfilling beyond the fantasy.

  2. Aeolis Est July 17, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    “…because it makes my dick hard” has been my go to reason for MOST of what I do in the kink world.

    “Why do you like to hurt people?” and “Why do you like to tie people up?” are questions with one answer. There is this pervasive attitude in the US that kink is not about sex and to introduce sexual aspects into it is somehow wrong and invasive. Certainly, it should be a part of your negotiation, but why should it be something shameful? Decide before you scene, simple as that.

    {He shrugs} Tell the boy that orgasms when I bind him down, or the girl that cums when I flog her, or, or, or, or, tell allll of them that kink isn’t about sex or that sexuality doesn’t have anything to do with BDSM. This western judeochristian ideology doesn’t really have much of a place in Kink, I don’t think.

  3. kaffeknot June 4, 2013 at 9:52 pm

    Because it gives me pleasure. Rope is a part of how I interact a lot of the time. Not nearly enough though…

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