One thing that you see come up time after time is statements like….
Another favourite is “If you have rope in one hand and a hard on in the other you’re doing shibari.”
Those statements, though they are so very obviously jokes, reminders not to take everything too seriously still seem on occasion to be taken as the truth by some individuals. Why would this be? Is it literally true? Could it be? Is anyone really so spectacularly obtuse as not to recognise a bit of Reductio ad absurdum when they see it?
Well if you really do have rope in one hand and your hard on in the other you aren’t going to be able to do very much of anything with someone else, you certainly will not be in a position to tie them up so, no this isn’t literally true.
Sometimes people seem to interpret it to mean that the other reasons listed are not true. Can that be the case? It’s hard to see how taking pleasure in skill, artistry, connection, beauty etc. etc. aren’t real reasons to enjoy something; they are very real reasons for taking pleasure. Yet some think that the last statement diminishes the others. This clearly isn’t true.
None of this suggests that sexual excitement isn’t just as valid a reason for enjoying bondage as any others, but thinking that this reason invalidates any other reason you might have for enjoying bondage is a false supposition. The supposition that because this is ‘a’ reason, that it’s ‘the’ reason, that the other reasons are some kind of spurious justification for doing the things that result in the last reason.
Given that the people who are generally credited for these utterances are people who have no shame for what they do and feel no need for spurious justifications for their kink this is just a ridiculous thing to think. In fact that’s why the last line comes in like the punchline it is. It’s a joke, a reminder that as well as all the other reasons there are visceral reasons for what we do.
So why did the other lines and reasons come from? Because when kinky people are talking about a specific kink and are asked specifically what they like about that specific kink they will answer with things that they find enjoyable particular to that specific kink beyond the obvious.
There are many reasons to do what we do. Usually many of these reasons are in play at the same time; many not even consciously available. Sometimes people want sound bites, not answers they have to think about. They don’t really want or aren’t able to think beyond a snappy ‘sounds good to me’ slogans.
If people want to reduce the complex reasons and interactions of human motivations to a shallow one line oversimplified slogan then I think that’s quite sad.