I see lot's of advice on FL. About how to approach people when you're looking for a partner; how to do this and that. How to write to people, how to present yourself. I have one very simple piece of advice. Ignore all that advice. Be yourself, as hard as you possibly can! If you are pretending to be something other than yourself then it's useless to you. Sure somebody may like it if you give some appearance that's attractive to them but they weren't attracted to you were they? No they were attracted to the image you tried to project. They are if you like attracted to an image put together to appeal to the greatest number of people. It's treating meeting someone special as a numbers game. Are you going to be happy with someone attracted to that or is the right person for you necessarily in the minority of people? I think the right person for everyone is necessarily in the minority of people you'll ever know. With that being the case just accept that the majority of people will not be the right people for you anyway and that therefore their not being attracted to you is irrelevant, unimportant. Just a part of life. Be yourself. If people don't like who you really are then they're not the person for you and what did it serve you anyway? Be your authentic self. It is invariably true that not everyone will be attracted to or even possibly like that. However the people who are attracted to it are at least attracted to the real you and therefore you have a much better chance of something with that person. This is the most direct, [...]
I think there are a lot of times when people over think problems. So I though I'd write a general purpose response to some of these points that reoccur a lot. Imagine pretty much any problem where people are coming up with complicated ways to safeguard against bad behaviour. The kind of bad behaviour? Well generally people being dickheads, not respecting people's boundaries, violating consent, just pushing consent, taking stupid risks when performing, etc. etc. See the problem here is that people are being dickheads! Being a dickhead is not a problem that can be solved with policy, procedure or negotiation classes. No matter how much of this you do dickheads are still dickheads and still do the dickhead things they were going to do anyway. Why? All together now, because they're dickheads. It would be nice to be able to live in a perfect world but just in case you hadn't noticed, we don't! Life has dickheads in it, it just does. I'm going to suggest that the only real way to tackle this is for dickheadedness to be unacceptable and to recognise when it's dickheadedness that you're dealing with. For instance if when someone pulls a dickhead move they protest that they didn't know they were meant to act like a grown up intelligent human with actual agency and morals and the ability to know right from wrong and oh, if only they had known X, Y or Z. And you say yes, you're right there does need to be better guidelines or education on being human or procedures to stop you acting like a sociopath, what you are is complicit in their abdication of personal responsibility. How is it possible do you [...]
There are many well intentioned discussions at the moment about professional associations for riggers and / or models. Many terrible people love to join professional associations because it lends them the seeming of legitimacy without much actual effort in contrast to those that build their own reputation by actually achieving something. Professional associations have their uses for concrete definable professions with real qualifications that can be subjectively determined. i.e. there's a reason why these exist commonly for trades. Also many associations exist to represent their members in some way. If so who runs it and how is it going to be paid for? Or do you want or the kind that only exist to provide information and a nexus of communication for members? Do people mean something like the General Medical Council that can strike of Doctors so they can't practice. If so how do you enforce this? Eventually associations with bad members are devalued and become worthless regardless of any good works due to bad members. People stop trusting it. So you just have to stop bad people joining right? Well how? This has sprung up in the wake of revelations about some well known presenters. So you wouldn't let them in your association right? Why not? Until recently they had as far as many were concerned good reputations. Their turning out to not be the kind of people you'd have wanted associated with your professional association wasn't necessarily predictable. So now you're going to expel them right? How? You're going to have a tribunal with witnesses and a trusted panel of adjudicators who are senior professionals. How do you determine who they should be? Even if you do this and it all works [...]
If you do not know beyond a shadow of a doubt that a suspension point is definitely good enough then it's NOT good enough. If you do not have the necessary knowledge to judge if an unfamiliar suspension point is good enough yourself. Then you should set about acquiring that knowledge or just not use it. I honestly think that having the ability to judge the appropriateness of a suspension point is an essential skill for anyone who's going to suspend in different locations. And yes, I apply that to suspension points in clubs and at events too. I've refused to use points in clubs because for one reason or another I wasn't happy with them. And you cannot just take it on trust and you have to be responsible for the decision to suspend on whatever it is that you do suspend on. Because... You are making the decision to hang someone's life on that thing!
Recently I saw a post about Top drop or as they described it a 'Rigger's Melancholy' (which is a term I really liked btw.) It caught me at a wrong moment and I posted that yeh, everyone knows about it. I was expecting someone to take issue with the tone of my response or criticise me for ever being exasperated by the endless repetition of the same questions, any display of less than perfect temper or humanity. Something along those lines. I was pretty surprised therefore to see a reply that didn't make any of those reasonable complaints but instead insisted that not everyone had or was aware of this experience. I will quote the response exactly here so you can see that I'm not making this up. No, WykD_Dave, not everyone already knows about it. The great thing about this group is that we have a wide variety of experiences and skills. I would like to hear positive and constructive information from experts like you about how to recognize top drop coming on and how to deal with the feelings. What most struck me is the assumption that this is some unique experience or out of the ordinary emotion or feeling. You do something emotionally and or physically intense and you have a natural high from it, then you have a low to a greater or lesser extent afterwards. Yes we're all a bit different and have greter or lesser responses and some come down sooner or more steeply than others but surely this is a common human experience though to anyone who's ever done anything intense, euphoric, joyous. To anyone who's triumphed on the sports field, been in love, had great sex, strived [...]
Recently a former adult performer was the victim of a home invasion and brutal assault. The thing that's really struck me about this is how little this has been in evidence on-line except from her fellow adult performers. For instance those most conspicuous in their outrage on occasions where there is the accusation of rape but no apparent evidence or arrest notably recently in an American university seem for some reason to have not been outraged by this definite incident with evidence and arrests. This reads as a despicable incident and I'm saddened that more people aren't outraged by it outside of the adult work communities. We can all guess why some who hooted so loudly and so condemning with no more evidence than an article in Rolling Stone that turned out to have been badly researched and showed deplorable journalistic standards have just turned their backs when confronted by an actual horrible incident that's truly horrifying with the perpetrators arrested on solid evidence and set to go to trial. This happened her and her whole family. It's horrifying even to contemplate. Again I come back to the thought that the reason that this can happen is that some people think of people as things. To some it appears that this woman is 'a pornstar' rather than a thinking, feeling human being who was brutally assaulted and traumatised. For some it simply doesn't serve their agenda so they ignore real attacks in favour of listen and believe phantasms. The question this all begs is what do people really care about? Do they care about this kind of disgusting violence against a fellow human or are they just concerned with a personal agenda? Cytheria thanks fans [...]
Filed firmly under the category of really? Again? Had to send some takedown notices again on one site because someone had copped our images, modified them to remove the mark and posted it up on their profile. I issued the usual DMCA takedown and that image was removed. That's pretty much the unfortunate business as usual. What was odd was the message I received from the guy after. What a sad man. Nothing better to do than grassing people up for something that doesn't affect you at all. I liked the pic, never said it was mine. No life. Derp right? What a sad man I must be not letting him just rip off stuff without consequences, nothing better to do than report an idiot that doesn't understand copyright and thinks they're entitled to rip off anything they fancy just because they 'liked the pic'. And how could I possibly think that him ripping off my work, removing even the mark that could have led people back to my work and posting it horribly degraded could possibly affect me? Just ridiculous of me. It was nice of him to admit that he had no rights to the image though. I don't imagine that was his intent but possibly not the sharpest tool in the box. So lastly, 'no life'. Well here's my problem with that. I do very much have a life. A very large part of that life this person so amusingly assumes that I don't have very obviously involves tying up lots of beautiful women. Part of it even included creating these images that the guy liked so much that he flatteringly posted them with the creators identification edited off. I have so many [...]
So, what's a TK really? Is it a specific thing or is it a class of tie, a form? This is a question that seems to vex a lot of people and probably for understandable reasons. There are plenty of non-tk tks out there. Let's avoid the language question about takatekote for this post and just take it as having the meaning that it seems to have grown to have in the west and that is of a kind of vaguely japanese (ish) box tie. I'd also for the purposes of this post to leave out the whole hands high argument and discussion of 'gote' vs. 'kote'. The real answer to this is the one that people tend not to like when I give it. It depends. Depends what you mean, depends what the person you're talking to means. When you say TK to me I am going to think of the TK that I personally tie. But the TK that I personally tie depends on a lot of factors and may be different under any number of different circumstances. It's also changed over time, or rather they've all changed over time. What is and isn't a TK is subjective, what's a good TK or a good TK for say suspension is less subjective because to be a good TK for something it needs to fulfil some real world requirements about being structurally sound, well placed etc. The term 'TK' has been used for so many different ties and interpretations and failed re-engineering attempts that it is in some ways denuded of meaning. This can in some circumstances be a positive thing if you think about it in the right way as it means that [...]
Here is some rope minimalism from some time ago. Originally this came up because of someone saying that 6 feet of rope was 'obviously' too short to do any bondage with. So here are a few ties done with a 6 foot length of rope doubled to make it only 3 feet of working length. It's interesting to see what can be done when you place a deliberate restriction on yourself and challenge yourself to be creative within the parameters of that restriction. I was determined that these not be simply for show but that they be obviously practical effective bondage too.
There are a few places around the world that feel like coming home for us. They say that home is where the heart is. I think this is true. Our memories of places and events are inextricably entwined with the people we met and the experience we had. It's quite something to recognise that 'going home' feeling as we make our way to an event thousands of miles from our actual home. It's very much a sensation of going home and seeing old friends. Though it's always a bit of a downer to have to go back to everyday life after having a great time there's always that thought of next time. The year will soon be drawing to a close. Next year we get to go home again, and again...