Monthly Archives: July 2013

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Oh shit! Part the Fourth: Even More Slightly Universal Laws of Rope and Ropery…..and Stuff!.

First thing, I did not write these universal laws of rope bondage. Jahc did! I did try to write something similar but in all honesty it wasn't nearly as fun as these so please enjoy and give credit where it's due! Well, it's all a bit annoying, really. Every time I think I have exhausted the Not Really but Slightly Almost Universal Laws of Rope, and Stuff!, I think of another one. Which means thinking of another 19, to go with it. Bastard, that. So, behold! Etc etc..... If you call a TK a TK, someone will tell you you are doing it wrong, and that the wraps are in the wrong place. Call it a boxtie, and nobody cares. Ergo, the wraps on a boxtie are always in the right place. Glad we have got that one sorted out at last! The debates about correct Japanese terminology will never end. This is because the very first founding master of Shibari was pissed, and didn't really give a shit about the words. Or was it kinbaku? Every beginner immediately tells you they want to learn suspension. It's best to just ask 'Why?', and count how many times they say 'errrrr.....' in the next sentence. Most amusing. Floorwork can be dangerous too, you know! No-one ever says so, though. Anyone who thinks techno is good rigging music has a serious personality disorder, and should be shot. To be on the safe side, just shoot anyone playing techno. Anywhere, ever. The best way to attract bunnies is to have foxes in your garden. Strange, but true!  Dropping your sub is a universal cause of dom drop. Switch drop is a complete bastard! Stomping around the dodgy parts of town just waiting for [...]

By | 2017-03-17T09:57:06+00:00 July 15th, 2013|Categories: Bondage, Life|Tags: , , |0 Comments

The Most Very Universal Laws of Rope Bondage, part the third, the next bit, honest.

First thing, I did not write these universal laws of rope bondage. Jahc did! I did try to write something similar but in all honesty it wasn't nearly as fun as these so please enjoy and give credit where it's due! Well, the Part the First, and Part the Second, were fun. Kind of.... I doubt this will be, though. But hey, I am bored, again, so bung a badger on the barbie, put some bunnies on the boil, fill your face with whatever turns you on (consenting, sentential beings only, obviously), fillet a giblet or three and let's talk some toot. And rejoice, once more! Rejoiceth untilst thou shiteth thineself, dearest fiends, for we bringeth you the very latest and most Completely Officialest Bollocks About Rope Bondage, and Stuff! In order to do rope safely, you must first remove your nervous system. All rope bondage related injuries are caused by having nerves in your body, so it is essential to remove them before you get started, and leave them in a safe place, somewhere. Mine are in a jar on the mantelpiece, and have been for years. You should never attempt anything, unless you have had close instruction from a Master. Developing the ability to figure things out for yourself will only bring you unhappiness, make your belly hang over your belt and your bum fall off. Figuring things out for yourself is not blind experimentation. This has been clinically proven in randomised double blind trials, which are really fun, when you get the hang of them. The downside is that the null hypothesis is 100% fatal. You can break any rope. If you really want to.You might find it more useful to learn how to [...]

By | 2017-03-17T09:57:06+00:00 July 14th, 2013|Categories: Bondage, Life|Tags: , , , |1 Comment

The Most Very Universal Laws of Rope Bondage, part the second, the serious bit, honest.

First thing, I did not write these universal laws of rope bondage. Jahc did! I did try to write something similar but in all honesty it wasn't nearly as fun as these so please enjoy and give credit where it's due! Part the First was complete toot, but turned out to be a bit of a hit, amazingly. Shame the sequel is never quite as good.... But I'm bored, and feeling ill, so tough shit, you can suffer too. So, kick off your feet, loin up your girdles, adopt the 'receiving' position, or whatever does it for you, baby. For, this very day, this most very joyous day of days, we give you ..... some more Totally and Rather Slightly Universal Laws of Rope Bondage, and Stuff! You do not have to be hardcore, or even awesome. Some of the very ever bestest fun rope ever is exceedingly messy, and not in a photograph. Being good, and striving to be better, is not elitism. Why do people say it is? It's really very silly, that. It is impossible to tie a knot in a banana. Bananas do not need knots, and neither do you. And there’s a lot of larks out there, missing their heads. Telling someone that something they are doing is wrong, is sometimes the right thing to do. Knowing when you should say so is also relatively easy – knowing how, is virtually impossible. Ergo, if someone questions what you are doing, they may have a point. Even if they fuck up the question. It might just be worth listening to them. People will love your picture three times as much, if there is a cat in it. The cat is not getting in [...]

By | 2017-03-17T09:57:06+00:00 July 14th, 2013|Categories: Bondage, Life|Tags: , , |1 Comment

The Most Very Universal Laws of Rope Bondage…

First thing, I did not write these universal laws of rope bondage. Jahc did! I did try to write something similar but in all honesty it wasn't nearly as fun as these so please enjoy and give credit where it's due! I did write these out before, ages ago. But then I buggered off for a while, so it all got deleted. Still, some things never change... So throw another kitten on the fire, and brace yourself, for you are about to behold the sacred and Most Very Universal Laws of Rope Bondage, its very self! As soon as your hands are tied behind your back, you will get a hair up your nose. It is completely impossible to explain to someone else, exactly where on your nose they should scratch. It does not matter how long a rope is, it will always be either 3" too short, or too bloody long. All those twirly wrappy things people do are not art, they are just trying to hide the universal truth of this law. As soon as you mention rope, someone else will say it's boring, and that cuffs and chains are quicker. This is complete bollocks. You can take your time and savour the flavours, or fling your string at the speed of fright. By the time they have almost found the right key, almost, honest, I'll have two maidens hanging from the ceiling, and be contemplating playing conkers. You do not need knots. Seriously, you don't. Whatever you do with rope, some silly sod will tell you it's Shibari. Shortly afterwards, some other silly sod will tell you it isn't, even if it is, and shouldn't that be kinbaku, anyway? If you ever [...]

By | 2017-03-17T09:57:06+00:00 July 13th, 2013|Categories: Bondage, Life|3 Comments