I am not Mr Nice. When it comes to teaching I am not. I do do my best to be Mr Patient, Mr Understanding & Mr Informative. But let's be honest, you, I hope, didn't hire me to be your friend, you hired me to improve your bondage. Bondage is serious and can be seriously dangerous so I take teaching bondage seriously. I also take very seriously the responsibility of teaching. If you have a good time in a lesson that's just great, I hope you do. But that is not my goal. My goal is that you go away doing better bondage than you were before the lesson. If you're making mistakes I'll do my best to be Mr Tactful about it. However I will not be Mr Flattery, I will not deceive you into thinking that you're doing better than you are. Nor will I fill you with a false sense of confidence or accomplishment because I'm not Mr Disingenuous. I will not teach you beyond your ability, because I am not Mr Irresponsible. If you are not serious about wanting to learn, do not come to me. There are plenty of teachers who will make you feel good about yourself regardless of your ability. Go to them by all means if that is what you're after. Personally in lessons I'm not trying to be Mr Likeable. I will not praise that which is not praiseworthy. I will do my best to improve your rope as much as I am able. I am I hope Mr Conciencious. I am and can be many people. But! I am not Mr Nice.
(As one or two people have read the first couple of paragraphs of this post and gone bonkers without reading the whole thing in context I'd like to just add this note to recommend that you read the whole thing first. I wrote this article because people keep insisting on telling myself, my partner, friends that rope bondage is boring and slow. If they find it so then that's up to them. It's their going out of their way to tell someone that does like that they don't like it that I find rude and ignorant. Also their narrow-mindedness and lack of imagination in being unable to accept that it may be a different experience for others.) Is it? Can't say I've ever noticed that myself. Slow and boring dynamic suspension during the London festival of the art of Japanese bondage. I honestly find that rope is as slow or quick as I want it to be. I think that often the reason that some people characterize rope as slow and boring is that they are themselves slow and boring. Let's face it, without skill or imagination you can make anything boring. There might be a secondary reason some think that rope is slow and boring. That being that someone has only watched someone slow and boring doing rope, formed their impression and being a person of limited imagination are sticking to that as an absolute. I've no idea why some people are like that but it's clear that some are. The thing that always beggars belief is the need some people who don't do bondage have to tell other people that they don't like bondage "because it's slow" as if that were [...]
It's amazing how many people make assumptions based on very limited or in some cases non-existent experience. Even more amazing is their propensity to make sweeping authoritative and wrong statements about the things they know nothing about. With some people even when you show them that they are mistaken somehow they still cannot let go of their preconceptions.What's even more amazing is that people will go out of their way to bring up such things in conversation. Strange isn't it that people pontificate on kinks that the profess no interest in, have no experience of, don't frankly know anything about and yet will make categorical statements about with no basis in experience or even theoretical knowledge. Why are people like this? There are plenty of kinks that aren't for me, some of them I don't know a lot about. I feel absolutely no desire to make statements about them to people interested in that kink based on no knowledge. I feel no need to make negative statements about things I'm not interested in. Yet sometimes the disparaging comments seem almost vicious. It's like some resent others kinks. How can this be? That's not a rhetorical question by the way, I really am puzzled. Why make negative comments about kinks you clam not to be interested in? When I try to think of likely motivations it's hard come up with something credible. Jealousy Spitefulness Just not being nice people Being pathologically resentful of others enjoyment The automatic disparaging of anything that isn't their own kink What can it be? I'm at a loss as to coming up with any charitable reasoning. Are people really this sad, this pathetic?
The future ahead all unwritten unseen comes unbidden
Sometimes things are a bit too precious to brag about. I've received some wonderful compliments from some awesome people and yet I can't really bring myself to share them. I think that this is one of the reasons I am so bad at self publicity. I just can't, I can't really explain it. Recently I blogged about the incredible experience we had with Grand Master Yukimura Haruki and posted a picture of us receiving the wonderful surprise of a hand calligraphied board after a day learning with him and I feel kind of a show off for posting that. But I can't help it. An amazing time and such a wonderful happy memory. I was so happy to be there. And so many thanks to clover without whom we wouldn't have been there. And to Max at the Copenhagen shibari dojo without who's tireless efforts that week would not have happened at all. I don't know why it is but I feel like... these things are for having, for holding within and that using them to say "hey look at me!" would tarnish them and reduce their value to me. Somewhere buried deep inside is the seemingly unmovable thought that if I'm good enough my work will stand on its own merits. There is also something that wants to keep these wonderful moments within. To know that they're there. To be warmed by that and to feel that I have not disrespected the kindness of someone I respect. I do what I do because I love it. I've certainly never made a profit from any venture in rope. No actually that's wrong. I've profited a lot. I've made great friends, I've visited places I never would have gone, done things I never would have [...]
One phrase that tends to set my nerves a little on edge is when people say I've done X therefore I'm good at Y. I've done sailing; therefore I'm good at rope bondage (because they both involve rope) I've done climbing; therefore I'm good at rope bondage (because they both involve rope) I've done engineering; therefore I'm good at rope bondage (because bondage is just engineering) I've done knife fighting; therefore I'm good at cookery (because they both involve knives) 1, What this assumes is that... because bondage involves knots being good at knots is the same as being good at bondage. While you do need to be able to tie the odd knot for bondage the majority of the skills that make you good at bondage are not tying knots. 2, This is often quoted when it comes to suspension. What I'll say here is that climbers can have a lot of good knowledge where it comes to equipment and creating secure points to work from. The knowledge is good for that reason and purpose but does not translate into bondage. Climbing has very little to do with binding the human body. 3, While having the kind of mind that can understand engineering aspects it doesn't teach much about binding the human body. Purely technical knowledge has it's place very much so above the suspension point for instance. An engineers knowledge of structure and material properties can be very useful in informing you if a point is likely to be robust enough to hang your suspension point. 4, This one was kind of a joke to make a point about about not assuming that "It involves rope therefore I'm good at bondage" isn't always a [...]